ward Page 95 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How Do You Spell "P-L-E-A-S-E L-O-R-D G-O-D S-T-O-P T-A-L-K-I-N-G?"
Sometimes we wonder if we are too hard on ESPN. Sure, collectively, they seem to have sucked the very life out of sports, packaging schtick and corporate pablum into a stew of impossible-to-digest soulless muck. (And, unlike the rest of us, they mix metaphors!) But they're still just individuals, ou...
Ryan Howard To Fight Michael Strahan For Jared's Meat
If you caught the afternoon baseball game on Fox yesterday, you might've seen the new Subway commercial starring Jared and Phillies slugger Ryan Howard. I didn't see it, myself ... but since it doesn't yet exist on YouTube, I have to assume that means that it's way less gay than the giggling Michael...
Excuse Me While I Kiss The Rim
That's what Michael Jordan helped to rob you of during the NBA's Slam Dunk contest. It's nice to see it on YouTube, but it would have been far nicer to see it in primetime on TNT, in place of Nate Robinson missing dunks for two straight minutes....
You Will Dance With Shaq And You Will Like It
There aren't many good reasons not to like Shaq. This was Shaq having fun at the All-Star practice yesterday, forcing LeBron and Dwight Howard to have fun along with him. I realize that Shaq is not everyone's cup of tea, but when he retires, who's going to do stuff like this? It seems like Shaq is m...
Tim Duncan is Not Tall Enough
Dwight Howard is getting all the credit for this, and sure ... Dwight Howard's freakish abilities speak for themselves. But how about that lob from Hedo Turkoglu? Magic Johnson couldn't have done it better. Picture perfect. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's the best contribution to basket...
Taking Down The USA, One Touchdown At A Time
Every year, usually more than once a year (whenever there's a major sporting event), some soulless, dumb "research firm" tries to convince us that the office workers of America are somehow skirting their duties serving The Man by paying so much attention to something that might divert them from star...
Sportswriters Are So Goddamned Cool
Our friends at Gelf Magazine point out the newest trend in newspaper sports columnists column photos: The full body shot!...
It's The Arizona Cardinals Plane! Perfectly Safe! All Aboard, Everyone!
Wouldn't it be slightly hilarious if Denny Green shows up at the Phoenix airport today, and this is the only plane out? Since Mr. Leitch is still on vacation, it's up to us to make sense of this news release from our new friends at US Airways....
Yes. It Was, Uh, A Verbal Slip, And In No Way A Glimpse Into A Total Lack Of Football Understanding
If you'll remember yesterday, ESPN "analyst" Desmond Howard made a particularly egregious error during a discussion of the football bowl game he was looking most forward to, claiming it was a California-Texas game that wasn't actually happening. (Cal plays Texas A&M.)...
Desmond Howard, Mythical Bowl Expert
We don't mean to be smug about this, we really don't: Live television is awfully difficult, with all the flashing lights and camera cues and clock countdowns, and the possibility that a single screwup will end up pointed out and mocked by little twerps like us. It's hard. We appreciate it....
Ryan Howard Gives Philly Something Small To Be Happy About
Hey, Philly fans, good news: No need to cause bodily harm to yourself or others. You finally have a beacon of light in Philadelphia. One might even say it's always sunny....
Dwight Howard, Enjoying His Youthful Years
You know how we know that the Orlando Magic's Dwight Howard is just starting to break the ceiling of NBA stardom? He's hanging out with porn stars. Specifically, amply bosomed former gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey, who tells the story of meeting Howard in a Luke Is Back, apparently a well-read...
Hines Ward Earns The Opposite Of Street Cred
Apparently, Hines Ward is huge among the lonely housewives of America. Viewers of the Regis and Kelly show voted Hines Ward of the Pittsburgh Steelers as their favorite athlete, which is sort of like being presented an award for achievement in the field of advanced mathematics from the local Dockw...
The Daily Closer: Red Pinstripes In Morning, NL Take Warning
Notes from a day in baseball:...
Baseball Players Wiping Each Other Down
After half-heartedly flipping back and forth between the Home Run Derby and doing some lingering DVR maintenance — new, kind of depressing "Chappelle's Show," the "Law & Order" where they see the guy executed and then everyone all loses their minds — we can say one thing about the big made for TV ...
Howard's Boner (Or, Why Refs Are A Natural Male Enhancement)
Another reason that it would have been more fun to live in the early 1900s rather than now — also on the list: speakeasies, jalopies, no Internet — is the fact that they used the word "boner" to describe embarrassing mental missteps. We wish this were still true today; we'd have Buckner's boner, W...
Lord Stanley Sashays Over To NBC
In case you haven't noticed (and judging by the ratings, you haven't *), the Carolina Hurricanes have opened up a 2-0 lead against the Edmonton Oilers in the Stanley Cup Finals. The series moves back to Edmonton (and back to network television) this evening....
Spell F-A-I-L-U-R-E, Kid
We'll confess: We love the Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee. We watch every minute we can, and apparently we're not alone, considering ABC is broadcasting the finals live tomorrow night in primetime. (To the network's eternal credit, Robin Roberts will be hosting, not Stuart Scott. Whew.)...
Ironhead Heyward Passes Away
Craig "Ironhead" Heyward has passed away at the age of 39. He'd been battling a brain tumor for more than seven years, and it finally got the better of him. I think most people will remember him for four things, not necessarily in this order: 1) An outstanding college career at Pitt. 2) A non-quit...