washington Page 17 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Modest Proposal For The World Series Baseballs
With the World Series upon us, and the magic of the Houston Colt .45s vs. the Montreal Expos preparing to unfold before our satanically red-rimmed eyes, we can sit back, forget the rest of the world its slowly advancing state of entropy and decay and ask ourselves the most existential of questions:...
Mike Leach, Convinced Of His Own Cleverness, Tells Unbearably Long Joke About Lip Reading
Asked Monday evening whether he’s nervous for next week’s matchup against No. 11 Oregon, where four of his former assistants now work, Mike Leach used the opportunity to take a swipe at football coaches so paranoid about their plays being found out that they cover their mouths while talking on the s...
These Photos From A Muddy 49ers-Skins Game Are So Good
San Francisco’s win in Washington may not have been good football, but it was beautiful in its way.At a rainy, sloppy Landover, the Niners slip-slid their way to a 9-0 win that was a wholesomely good time—for the winners, anyway. “It takes you back to being a kid: You’re out there, you’re sloshing a...
Washington Dealt Unsportsmanlike Conduct Penalty For Attempted Camouflage
No. 25 Washington tried something a little bit too cool at home against No. 12 Oregon Saturday afternoon. On a kickoff return after Oregon scored, Washington stashed purple-clad wide receiver Chico McClatcher in the end zone, where he laid down on the field in an attempt to blend in with the purple ...
The Washington Nationals Are The Team Of Destiny, Until They're Not
For the entirety of their brief existence in the nation’s capital, the Washington Nationals have been too insignificant or too lousy or too unlucky or too self-defeating to hate. This is not to say that I haven’t figured out various ways to do it over the years, but also I am not without some intere...
Apologies To This Hockey Child, But I Am His Mother Now
Whether or not to have a child is a complicated and morally questionable decision that each person must weigh carefully. It is a difficult question for most people except for me, because I have decided to adopt this small hockey boy and love him forever. ...
Kyle Shanahan Is Really Going To Enjoy Kicking The Shit Out Of The Skins
San Francisco 49ers head coach Kyle Shanahan was Washington’s offensive coordinator from from 2010–2013. I would say he got to experience one of the darkest eras of D.C. football, but they are all dark. Now he’s the coach of a 5-0 team preparing to take on the 1-5 Skins this weekend, so you can’t bl...
Nationals Complete Sweep Of Cardinals, Nanny Nanny Boo Boo
The Washington Nationals completed their four-game NLCS sweep of the St. Louis Cardinals Tuesday night, 7–4, and advanced to the franchise’s first World Series. They did it with a seven-run first inning, and then mostly held on for dear life, but they had a bunch of help from the Cardinals themselve...
Stephen Strasburg's Teammates Must Keep Hugging Him Until His Icy Heart Melts
Stephen Strasburg kicked ass last night, striking out 12 Cardinals hitters in seven innings of work and leading his team to an 8-1 Game 3 victory. As you can see in the image above, all that hard work was repaid when he entered the dugout after recording his final out of the night and received a gro...
Juan Soto's Goof In Left Was High Comedy, But Marcell Ozuna's Mattered
For my money, the two best highlights of the Nationals’ 8–1 Game 3 win over the St. Louis Cardinals, a result that makes the rest of this series almost a formality, were bloopers. One looked stupid and hilarious and mattered not at all; the other almost looked like a very cool catch, until it didn’t...
Dolphins Win Barf Bowl, Lose To Washington In Final Seconds
So far this season the Miami Dolphins had looked unstoppable on their way to a No. 1 draft pick and Tua Tagovailoa. But their tank rumbled over a potential minefield on Sunday: a matchup with Washington, one of a small handful of teams that might be nearly as bad as the Dolphins, and the only team t...
Don't You Dare Try To Take Adrian Peterson's Touches Away From Him
For all the turmoil there’s been around the Washington football team, it was nice to see a brief moment of firm communication between two teammates in Miami on Sunday. On a second-and-5 from his team’s 35-yard line, quarterback Case Keenum tried to switch the play to something else, yelling “kill ki...
Juan Soto And Miles Mikolas Swear The Crotch-Grabbing Antics Are All In Good Fun
It was only a matter of time before a pitcher decided to respond to Juan Soto for, well, being Juan Soto. In the top of the fifth, after forcing the 20-year-old Nationals stud to ground out, Cardinals pitcher Miles Mikolas looked over at Washington’s dugout as Soto trotted over and aggressively grab...
Even Aníbal Sánchez Started To Believe He Had His No-Hitter Secured
With the Nationals’ postseason demons exorcised, and the team now navigating uncharted playoff territory, it seemed only right that this anything-is-possible type of magic carried over into specific areas of the team to elevate certain players. Still, as Washington and St. Louis entered the bottom o...
If The Nats Are Going To Be Worth Rooting For, Let's Get Them Some Better Hats
This may seem like a Guide To The League Championship Series, but it isn’t really. If you need to be guided through four teams, you may be too dim to read....
Emma Meesseman Proved She Can Carry The Mystics To Greatness (As Long As She Wants To Play For Them)
Going into the WNBA playoffs, it would have been fair to underestimate the impact of Washington Mystics forward Emma Meesseman. Though she was one of the Mystics’ most efficient scorers—she’d be in the 40-50-90 club if she had enough attempts to qualify—she often felt like a lesser version of her te...
The Mystics Did The Shit
The Washington Mystics used a strong fourth-quarter surge and the interior dominance of series MVP Emma Meesseman to overcome a second-half Connecticut Sun lead, then confidently held the relentless visitors at arm’s length down the stretch to win Game 5, 89–78, and capture the franchise’s first eve...
Howie Kendrick Finally Has A Legacy
You’d be forgiven, Nats fans, if you wanted Howie Kendrick out of the game long before his instantly legendary grand slam in the top of the 10th that won the Nationals their first-ever playoff series. Kendrick, despite turning in a pleasant surprise of a 2019 season that saw him become one of Washin...
Clayton Kershaw, Dodgers Choke Away Game 5 In Stunning Fashion
Oh man. The Dodgers absolutely cruised through seven innings at home against the Nationals Wednesday night, in Game 5 of their divisional series. Walker Buehler was once again dominant. Postseason beast Max Muncy and Kiké Hernández pounced on opportunities presented by Stephen Strasburg’s early comm...
Kurt Suzuki Leaves NLDS Game 5 After Taking Deflected Fastball To The Face
Washington Nationals catcher Kurt Suzuki was taken out of Wednesday night’s Game 5 against the Los Angeles Dodgers when a high-and-tight fastball from Walker Buehler deflected off his wrist and into his face in the top of the seventh inning. The impact was audible, and Suzuki crashed to the ground a...