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Today In Insane Sentences: Rex Ryan Tells Stephen A. Smith That Peyton Manning Won't Replace Mark Sanchez
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Coach stays positive on the Sanchize....

100 Percent Of The NBA's Asian-American Population Now Plays For The Knicks
The Knicks added Jeremy Lin to the roster last night in an effort to fix the fact that they have zero depth in the backcourt. He's the league's lone Asian-American player, and he's also the only Harvard grad in the pros. Get this kid a billboard....

As Far As ESPN Is Concerned, Not A Single Hockey Player Died This Year
SportsCenter's annual Year In Review show enters heavy rotation on the WWL this week, and as is tradition, it includes an "In Memoriam" segment recognizing the athletes and sports figures lost in 2011. Puck Daddy has the complete list of those honored:...

30 Paragraphs About 30 Teams From The Basketball Prospectus Guide To The Truncated NBA Season
The following is an abridged preview of an abridged NBA season, culled from the team chapters of the ever-incisive Pro Basketball Prospectus. Buy the book as a PDF for $9.98. ...

Dottie Sandusky Maintains Her Husband's Innocence, May Go On Oprah With Him
Dottie Sandusky, who publicly defended her husband's innocence for the first time earlier this month, may join Jerry for another televised interview after the new year. Jerry Sandusky's lawyer, Joe Amendola, told the Harrisburg Patriot-News this week that the two may sit down with Oprah, Barbara Wal...

Cameraman On Segway Makes For Incredible Views Of Cricket Pitch, Humiliating Crash
Joe Previtera, an Australian television cameraman known as "Joe the Cameraman," got his karmic return 12 years after his infamous "sledging" (or insulting, in cricket speak) of a cricketer during a 1999 match when he fell off of his Segway during an Australia-India test match yesterday....

The Mets Are Trying To Stop R.A. Dickey From Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro
Dickey, the Mets' knuckleballing ace, wrote on NYTimes.com that Hemingway inspired him to climb Kilimanjaro, the 19,341-foot Tanzanian peak. He's taking the climb to raise awareness of teenage prostitution in Mumbai....

MLB's New Security Chief, A Former SF Giant, Once Denied Monica Lewinsky Entry To The Oval Office
It's weird to think about MLB executives doing anything other than MLB-executive-ing. I can't think of Bud Selig cutting timber, for example. But a story in the Washington Post introduces us to Bill Bordley, the league's new chief of security, who pitched for the Giants before joining the Secret Ser...

ShortCenter: Drew Brees's Record Inspires A Lot Of Man Love
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

Ilya Kovalchuk Scored A 180-Foot Own Goal, And They Credited It To Cam Ward
When I saw the scoresheet for yesterday's Devils/Hurricanes game, I mostly ran around in circles yelling "Goalie goal!" over and over again. For fans of novelty highlights, goalie goals are up there with unassisted triple plays as one of the rarest and most valuable sporting occurrences....

Drew Brees's Birthmark Must Be Contagious, Sean Payton Now Looks Symptomatic
Your morning roundup for Dec. 27, the day we learned Christmas lights have a final resting place. Photo via Mocksession. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Ricky Rubio <em>Está Aquí</em>
The Timberwolves' Ricky Rubio had six assists in the 26 minutes of his NBA debut. Here's each of them in all their Catalonian glory....

Sean Williams Left It All On The Floor Tonight
The Mavericks' Sean Williams made the most of his 11 minutes in a 115-93 loss to Denver—the forward, who spent all of last season in the D-League, tallied 12 points—but it was his performance after returning to the bench that brought his teammates to their feet....

Gunman Decides Not To Rob The 76ers' Lou Williams, Lets Williams Take Him For Fast Food Instead
That's the story Williams told reporters in the locker room prior to tonight's season opener against the Trail Blazers in Portland, anyway. According to the Philadelphia Daily News, Williams said a man approached him as his car was stopped on a Philly street on Christmas Eve, knocked on the car's w...

ESPN's <em>Monday Night Football</em> Intro Featured Betty White Talking About How Hot Matt Ryan Is
ESPN's been slowing scraping the bottom of the barrel since jettisoning Hank Williams, Jr., and this holiday-themed Betty White intro was less funny than weird. What, the usual New Orleans staples of zydeco and Cafe Du Monde weren't available? ...

Deadspin Up All Night: Twang Time
Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Get back to work....

Mizzou And North Carolina Will Be Competing For This Broken Trophy
This is what the Independence Bowl trophy used to look like. Now it's a crystal shard on a tiered base. [via Twitter]...

Yorvit Torrealba Receives 66-Game Suspension For Slugging A Venezuelan League Umpire
The Rangers catcher's physically expressed frustration at a prior strike call earned him 66 games in Venezuelan winter ball, which is the rest of this season and all of next. We wonder how broken up he is about it, considering his son was kidnapped in his home country a few years back, and the wor...

NBA's Opening Day: A Knuckle-Deep Recap
The NBA's Opening Day spectacular matched such high-profile teams, it was hard to pick winners. Indeed, only a savvy gambler would have tried to take a day of entertainment and turn it into a gold-digging expedition. It all followed on a preseason in which the Mavericks went drilling for oil with t...

We've Identified Jilted Packergirl
Thanks to a tipster whose identity we'll keep secret for his/her own sake, we know the young lady featured in this morning's Wake Up Deadspin is named Annie Wagner (we also heard the cheating ex-boyfriend is a real "douchewibbler"). Here's Annie's Facebook....