what Page 33 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Nutty Theory About Lance Armstrong
A couple of scientists argue that Lance Armstrong did indeed employ certain exotic performance-enhancing procedures before his run of seven consecutive Tour De France victories: namely, getting his diseased testicle lopped off....
Blowing The Whistle: Turkish Soccer Ref Forced Out Because He's Gay
A Turkish soccer referee has lost his job on account of his liking dudes. Horrors!...
Let's Reconsider Making A 2 Legit 2 Twit Joke
M.C. Hammer: "Watching No Doubt with Big Ben and my Son at Tiger Woods event !!" [M.C. Hammer Twitter]...
Yankees Blowout: Can't You Smell That Smell?
So the Yankees lost yesterday by a fat, glorious pile of runs, 18 of them to be precise. How, you might wonder, have the city's clever and fiercely original tabloids responded? With olfactory puns!...
Meet Your Weekend Deadspin Guest Editor, In The Most "Weekend" Sense Of The Term
I'm Moe, and contrary to what some of you seem to be insinuating, I haven't smoked weed in such a long time you would probably have to carbon-date my urine to find any trace....
Pat Bowlen To Cutler: JUST GO AWAY, YOU STUPID BABY
Actually it was a bit more reasonable than that — but just as emphatic. So which team will snag Jay Cutler? [DenverPost]...
The NCAA Will Snatch The Baby Jesus Right Out Of Your Hands
Viewers of the Ohio State-Siena game may have noticed a proselytizing attention whore with a John 3:16 sign. But did you see an NCAA security guard snatch it? One eagle-eyed viewer did; roll the tape....
Bob Ryan's Face Refuses To Grow Old Gracefully
Legendary columnist and occasional ESPN talking head Bob Ryan was, at 63, as pruney as most people his age. But he appears to be going through an alarming transformation....
Playboy Magazine Wants YOU, The Deadspin Commentariat!
As part of the ongoing whoredom of Men With Balls, I got a chance to sit down with Playboy editor Rocky Rakovic, whose magazine I've had the pleasure of stealing on many, many occasions. But Rocky also wanted to ask a question of you Deadspin commenter folks. He'll peruse your comments in this post...
Baseball Coverage Takes An Ugly, Off-Key Turn
Some of you will be enjoying Game 3 of the NLCS. But if there's another episode of this going on, they may outlaw baseball in this country for good. For some reason, the TBS crew thought this was a good idea. Now I can understand some of these other hooligans taking part in this sort of thing, but ...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while you figure out where the hell Rick Chandler ran off to.... • MLB: New York Yankees at Tampa Bay (7 p.m., EST): The reanimation of Carl Pavano continues as he attempts to win his third game in a row for the Yankees without having one of his body parts fall off on the mound. [ESPN]...
Aye Carumba! Chad Johnson Changes Last Name To Ocho Cinco
So Bengals wideout Chad Johnson has legally changed his name to "Chad Javon Ocho Cinco." Which I guess is only slightly better than "Chad Javon GoldenPalace.com." Chad expects to play in the Bengals' season opener, despite suffering a dislocated shoulder in the preseason and creating more needlework...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Week
ESPN scoured its message boards to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ... • "LPGA's intentions are good, but suspending players and an 'English-only' rule isn't the way." — SheldonOvertonPrevious ESPN Featured Commentg of the Week, plus a Feat...
Country Music's Newest Star Looks Awfully Familiar, And Inexpensive
Jessica Simpson was a big deal just a short time ago, right? We thought so. We vaguely remember some kind of movie she was in and she was singing songs and then she dated a guy we all heard of... all of that happened, right? Because now she's reinventing herself in the easier-to-penetrate country mu...
It's Time Once Again To Run With Those Sweet, Cuddly Bulls
It probably won't surprise you that the guy pictured here receiving a very special kind of goring is from Philadelphia. Yes, it's time once again for the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain, where each year Darwin has himself a few laughs while thinning out the human herd. But this year, a twist...
About Last Night
What you missed while kicking around the fire footbag ... • MLB: Yankees win sixth straight, would like you to witness the power of this fully armed and operational battle station. • College World Series: Porn name or future major league star? Cord Phelps helps Stanford eliminate Miami, 8-3. •Soccer...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its boldest, cleverest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after displaying your enormous pink balls ... • Arena Football League: Colorado at Arizona (10 p.m., ET). Like playing football in your garage without the danger of sharp tools. [ESPN2] • College baseball: College World Series, at Omaha, Stanford vs. Georgia (7 p.m., ET). Tell that bul...
Barbados's National Soccer Team Is Accepting Applications
True story: Once, when I went to Barbados on business, I made such a good first impression that my customer asked me if I wanted to marry his daughter, move permanently to the island, work for him, and have a place of my own to live. Sight unseen, I had to respectfully decline, but also because I wa...
Everything In Its Right Place
So, obviously the news of today was rather jarring for those of us currently employed at this fine establishment. Not surprising, but jarring, nonetheless....