whimsy Page 60 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cherry-Pit Spitting Contest Makes For Great Copy
This is a great article for a sweaty Saturday evening. It's short, sweet and absolutely absurd. Let's start with the headline:...
Chicago Paper: Cubs Not A Total Train Wreck, Like That Actual Train Wreck On The Front Page
The Cubs have been a mess for a while, so expectations have been a bit...lowered, let's say. To that end, the Daily Herald decided to take a page from Theo Epstein's "parallel-track" outlook for remaining competitive (woops!) in 2012 while also building for the future and run with it for a "mid-sea...
You Won't Regret Reading About The Seven Best Bill Murray Stories
Bill Murray is an awesome dude, and he'll always have a special place in the hearts of sports fans for doing stuff like this, this, and this....
Rufus The Pigeon-Scaring Hawk At Wimbledon Has Gone Missing, Foul Play Suspected
Disturbing news out of Wimbledon today: a hawk named Rufus, who has been used to scare away pigeons and other small, distracting birds from the courts at the All England Club, was stolen early Friday morning. He was in his cage, in a car parked on a private driveway in Wimbledon. The car's rear win...
This Video Of An Old Crimson Tide Fan Lip-Synching "Call Me Maybe" Is The Most Discomforting Thing Ever
From tipster William, with whom we will be forever angry with due to what he has exposed us to, comes the above video. The video depicts an elderly gentleman lip-synching to "Call Me Maybe," which is A Thing on YouTube these days, but this version goes beyond "Oh man this song is so stupid and ann...
Chinese Man Died Of Exhaustion Trying To Watch All Of Euro 2012
A Chinese man has reportedly died after staying up for 11 straight nights (because of the time difference) to watch every match of Euro 2012....
Musical Donations For The World's Poor: Oklahoma City Thunder Edition
Usually when a team loses a championship game, the joke is that all those "Buffalo Bills Super Bowl Champions!" shirts get donated to some poor country since they are essentially worthless, but still technically clothing. That's becoming a bit clichéd if you ask me. Recently, we've seen our fair s...
Torii Hunter Interviews An Astronaut In Space, Asks How He Poops
Yesterday Torii Hunter spent about 15 minutes interviewing astronaut Joe Acaba while he was in the middle of a four-month-long mission in the International Space Station. It was actually a funny, goofy little segment between the two. Hunter asked if he could see Mark Trumbo's home runs from space, ...
Chipper Jones, Your Ass Makes Women Go Crazy
A little moment of levity to break up all the dark vibes floating around would be nice, yes? Well, you can thank this woman sitting in the front row at Shithole Fenway Park watching Chipper take some hacks in the on-deck circle. Chipper is in the middle of his goodbye tour and it appears one fan w...
New Jersey Man Allegedly Calls 911 From His Pillow Fort, Demands To Speak To Tim Tebow
From the Hopatcong Patch comes the strange story of one man and his desire to speak with Tim Tebow. I'll let the lead from the article, which is one of the best leads I've ever read, set the table for you:...
Exclusively From The Mike Tyson Collection: Black Energy
Courtesy of Grant Wahl, comes this bizarre billboard in Poland for some kind of energy drink. There is a whole lot to lovingly scratch your head about here. The idea of a company marketing an energy drink called "Black Energy," for one. The other products that make up the Mike Tyson Collection, for...
Jeff Garlin Struggles Through "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" Before Telling Tigers Fans They Suck
Actor, comedian, and Cubs fan Jeff Garlin took issue with Tigers fans at Wrigley today for being "irritating" or, more accurately, existing. "There are just so many of them too," he told Len Kasper and Bob Brenly in the Cubs broadcast box. He decided to hang out for a while after the rough perform...
The Thunder Are A Matchup Nightmare For Copy Editors. So Is The Heat.
Tonight's tipoff between the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Miami Heat is a milestone for American pro sports. For the first time, a major championship is pitting two teams whose names are mass nouns rather than ordinary plurals. The naming fad that gave us the Heat and the Orlando Magic at the end o...
Why Does This High School Basketball Team Photo Have An Uzi And A Tank In It?
We all love laughing at old team photos. There's the passé fashion and the awkward facial expressions, and some dude's dumb dog is always the "team mascot." The photo above is no exception. Look at those short shorts! The bad haircuts! The gigantic tank and semi-automatic weapon! What a bunch of dw...
Watch Mark Reynolds Strike Out 100 Times In Two Minutes
Last week, Baltimore Orioles first baseman/third baseman/designated hitter Mark Reynolds broke the record for fastest player to 1,000 career strikeouts. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, the record had belonged to Russell Branyan. But Branyan didn't get to set the record until 2010, when he w...
The Miami Heat's "Good Job, Good Effort" Kid As Heard Throughout History
He was there to tell Napoleon "Good job!" when the Little Emperor invaded Russia. He called the 1962 Mets season a "good effort." The young Heat fan who so enthusiastically endorsed his team's performance after last night's loss to the Celtics is no stranger to momentous occasions—in sports or oth...
Behold Shin-Kicking, An Actual Competitive Sport In England
Says The Daily Mirror: "The rules of shin kicking are very simple. Kick your opponent to the ground and you win. No throwing, tripping or pulling—the 'fall' must be precipitated by a kick to the shins." Very well....
The L.A. Kings Taunted The Devils With Giant <em>Jersey Shore</em> Cutouts Yesterday
We already knew that the L.A. Kings were the most fun team to make it to the Stanley Cup Finals in recent memory, thanks in large part to the team's playful and hilarious Twitter feed and their unique style of play. They're also probably the best team to make it to the Stanley Cup finals in a while—...
Today In Photograph And Caption Synergy: Caroline Wozniacki Shits A Return
Maybe she had a stomach bug? Maybe she was tired of all the 40-all scores? Whatever the reason, Woz laid a stinker on the court at the French Open today and was ousted by Estonian Kaia Kanepi, 6-1, 6-7 (3-7) 6-3....
Hulk Hogan Retweeted Gentleman Because He "Went Balls Deep" On His Daughter Brooke
Generally speaking, the practice of asking for a retweet should be frowned upon as the last resort of the pathetic, but there are exceptions to every rule. One need not look any further than this masterpiece of random craziness....