whimsy Page 8 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jolly Old Soccer Man Sets The Record Straight About His <i>FIFA</i> Ratings
Kevin Ellison is a 39-year-old English soccer player who has plied his trade at 13 different clubs throughout the lower levels of English soccer, only ever making one appearance in the Premier League, with Leicester City in 2001. He’s essentially soccer’s answer to Crash Davis, and he currently play...
The Steelers Have Ransacked Le'Veon Bell's Locker
Le’Veon Bell officially ended his tenure with the Pittsburgh Steelers when he didn’t report to the team by yesterday’s 4:00 p.m. deadline. He will probably never set foot in the Steelers’ locker room again, which means that something needed to be done with his locker and the belongings that are stil...
Some Sicko Made These Senior Tour Golfers Try To Do <i>Fortnite</i> Dances
Pop culture gets absorbed by sports fairly quickly, but it has to travel light years farther to reach golf. That’s why some cruel person at the PGA is now making these senior tour pros try to recreate dances from Fortnite, the popular online video game that is also the reason you see all those kids ...
Mohamed Salah Is Officially A Great Player Now That He Has A Creepy Statue In His Likeness
Last season, Liverpool forward Mohamed Salah went a long way toward consecrating his status as an all-time great by scoring the most goals ever in a single 38-game Premier League season. This weekend, Salah saw his legendary case strengthened even further when someone made an ugly statue of him....
Chris Simms Recalls The Time Vince Wilfork Busted Up His Genitals Real Good
Former NFL quarterback Chris Simms, who famously got his spleen exploded during a game, went on Mike Florio’s radio show today and shared the story of a different time in which he was grievously and spectacular injured by a big hit....
Spencer Dinwiddie Inspired To Greatness By "Hoodie Kermit"
Spencer Dinwiddie scored 13 points after about the three-minute mark of the fourth quarter of Brooklyn’s Wednesday night win over the Pistons, including a four-point play, two clutch game-tying threes, and the eventual overtime game-winner. It was a virtuosic finish for a fun and underrated player:...
Ref Kicks Dildo At Bills Game
Bills fans tossing sex toys onto the field is a well-worn bit at this point, as evidenced by the fact that three separate dildos made their way onto the playing surface during last night’s game against the Patriots. It’s probably time for the dildo-tossers to get a new gag, but this one plays as lon...
Let's Briefly Check In On The Minnesota Timberwolves
Now seems like a time to pop in and see what’s going on with the T-Wolves, and specifically Karl-Anthony Towns, who spent the last few weeks of the offseason getting shat on by teammate and supreme cheesebutt Jimmy Butler....
Clearly Steph Is Bored With Basketball As We Know It
When you’re Steph Curry, and there’s no shot available in the normal course of a basketball game that you can’t make with your eyes closed, eventually you reach a point where you need to invent strange and avant-garde forms in order to feel alive. This is the weird outer realm of galactic-brain shot...
Predators Coach Peter Laviolette Rewards His Team By Partially Committing To A Furry Look
As a former player himself, Nashville Predators head coach Peter Laviolette knows how tough it can be for a team to go on the road in Western Canada. He used this opportunity to challenge his players: Come away with four points on the two-game road trip. The Preds succeeded by beating the Flames, 5-...
After All That, Jimmy Butler Is Ready To Play For The Timberwolves Tonight
Jimmy Butler went about trying to launch himself off the team he no longer wants to play for about as loudly and obnoxiously as possible. There was the trade demand, followed by the staged and vindictive practice, followed by post-practice shit-talking on national TV. Despite all that, the Minnesota...
Iowa State Accelerates The Marching Band Arms Race With Inflatable Dinosaur Costumes
Iowa State upset 13th-ranked West Virginia 30-14 Saturday, which is of some consequence in the landscape of college football, but who cares—look at the dinosaurs. There are so many of them!...
You Can't Hide Eli Manning
Here’s a fun thing to think about: Has an offense with the quality of skill players that the New York Giants possess ever looked this bad? This is a team that lines up one of the best wide receivers in football, a rookie running back who treats defenders like bad guys in a Kung Fu movie, and a big, ...
Which NBA Team Is Most Like Your Favorite NBA Team?
It’s almost time for the tip-off of the new basketball season, and you know what that means: It’s time to point out that not only does the NBA exist, but that other things also exist. A few outlets have already beaten us to the punch here, imagining NBA teams as rom-coms or TV shows or fake movies, ...
Good Dog Throws A Mean Alley-Oop
Max Pearce is an extremely good dunker. He participated in the 2018 College Dunk Contest, where he threw down a memorable and pleasingly violent one-handed self-alley-oop while filming himself with a cell phone in his off hand. The website of Purchase College says Pearce has signed with the Harlem G...
Good Dog Interrupts Soccer Match, Is Rudely Denied Belly Rubs
Many dogs have invaded soccer pitches in the past, but few have made clear their motivations for doing so. This was not the case during a soccer match in Georgia, where a friendly dog ran onto the field with a clear goal in mind: to score some rubs on his belly....
Chris Bosh's Teeny Son Has Yet To Learn The Way Of The Baller
Chris Bosh introduced his adorable children to MSG Network’s Rebecca Haarlow during Monday night’s Wizards-Knicks preseason game. These are some seriously cute children. Haarlow, thinking fast, asked Bosh’s teeny son Jackson whether he will grow up to be a baller. It turns out innocent young Jackson...
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Determined Dog And His Powerful Tongue
It is the dream of all dogs to spill the treat container so that the treats held within it may be scattered about and easily consumed. This dream came true for a dog named Zeus, and even when his owner and a closed door conspired to deny him his bounty, he persisted....
Manhunt Is On For Aston Villa Fan Who Chucked A Cabbage At The Team's Manager
Yesterday’s Aston Villa-Preston match was a thriller that ultimately ended in tragedy for the Villans. Though it must have hurt to watch the ball bulge the back of their net three times in the disappointing 3-3 draw, the spheroid that arguably caused Villa the deepest psychic injury was the head of ...