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Guy With Weird Dating Survey Defends His Data Collection Methods
Ladies, Mike Stolar is on the market. He's the (formerly anonymous) guy who asks some dates to fill out a survey. (An unsatisfied date passed the survey along to us last week, and we shared it, with a little backstory.)...

Antonio Cromartie Can't Stop Sexing Ladies, Apparently Married A Crazy One
Antonio Cromartie, he of the prolific loins, thought he had finally settled down. He married Terricka in 2010, and has two kids with her—and two more on the way....

Rex Ryan Gives Miami Dolphins Fans His Blessing On Their Wedding Day
A reader sends in this photo he discovered while doing a bit of Facebook stalking. While he did not provide many details of the events that lead to this picture's existence, we can make a few inferences....

Gangrenous, Flesh-Eating Penis Infection Results In Most Harrowing Paragraph Ever
I'm not sure if we can technically call this "Deadspin XY" anymore but just suspend your disbelief for a bit, it's the only way I can legitimize writing about it. Enrique Milla has sued an anesthesiologist in Miami for failing to recognize he was a surgical risk due to uncontrolled diabetes. What d...

"The Kings Have The Ball": More Hockey Coverage From Los Angeles
You do have to feel for FOX 11's newslady. Hockey highlights are tough if you've never watched a hockey game. Kopitar and Doughty aren't easy names to pronounce. But in the wake of another LA station's Kings ignorance, it's entirely possible that a team is going to win a Stanley Cup without anyone...

Here's Kerry Wood's Emotional Exit From Baseball, After One Final Strikeout
We reported earlier today Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood is retiring from baseball, but the oft-injured hurler promised to make one last appearance before hanging up his cleats. That appearance came today, and it was in a legitimate spot; down 3-2 in the eighth, Wood relieved starter Jeff Samardzija and pr...

Cops Will Steal Your Girlfriend!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

The Dadspin Guide To Feeding A Baby
I have a newborn son. He needs to be fed eight times a day. Each session of feeding him takes roughly 30 minutes, 20 if I'm lucky. I am usually not lucky. That's four hours of the day dedicated to sitting in a chair with a bottle, begging the baby to drink faster. A newborn's life is dedicated to sl...

What Boxing Writing Can Teach Us About Everything: A.J. Liebling On Moore-Marciano
Between the Victorian era and the Sixties, boxing was a regular and prominent feature of American life. Knowing something about the fights—being good with your hands, or maintaining an opinion about the welterweight division or fixed bouts or how to beat a southpaw—was a very common piece of equipme...

Laz Diaz Blows An Obvious Call, Ejects Bob Melvin In More Time Than It Would Have Taken To Look At A Replay
Laz Diaz has one of the largest strike zones in baseball. So presumably A's starter Brandon McCarthy thought he was getting a pitcher's umpire. That kinda didn't work out on Elvis Andrus's bunt in the sixth inning, a rare true suicide squeeze....

Man Busted By Reporter For Parking Illegally: "Fuck You. I Hope You Get AIDS."
It's local news sweeps time again, which means reporters are on the prowl with their I-Teams to trump up whatever tired outrage hasn't been covered recently. Fecal matter in iced tea? Eyewitness News is on your side! Cops eating doughnuts and drinking coffee on the job? The I-Team is there!...

Deconstructing Jimmy Johnson's Commercial For Medically Ineffective Penis Pills
It's one thing to sling Viagra, like Rafael Palmeiro and Mark Martin used to do. It's quite another to hawk Extenze, the "natural male enhancement pill" that has no evident medical benefits. But that doesn't stop the shameless Jimmy Johnson. These commercials have aired since 2010, but no one had ...

Jonathan Papelbon Is Now Referring To Himself In The Third Person As "Cinco"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: That's short of Cinco Ocho, of course....

What Kind Of Politics Writer Can't Even Use A Sports Metaphor Properly? Most Of Them, Actually.
Republished from The Classical....

Meet The Boxing Coach Whose Specialty Is Training "A Bunch Of Fucking Nerds, Wall Street Guys"
Eric Kelly gives boxing lessons at the Church Street Boxing Gym, which is located in New York's Financial District. His credentials speak for themselves: four-time national amateur champion, two-time New York City Golden Gloves champion, alternate for the 2000 U.S. Olympic team, a lazy left eye fro...

You Will Eat 30 Bowls Of Cereal A Day (And 11 Other Things You Should Know Before Going To College)
I got this letter from Funbag reader Anthony, which seemed rather timely:...

Hookers Aren't Free, So Lawrence Taylor Is Auctioning Off One Of His Super Bowl Rings
We're seeing this more and more from famous athletes, whether it's because of financial straits, some sort of hassle, or reasons unexplained: Tommie Smith, Rashaan Salaam, Julius Erving, Ray Guy, David Wells, and Orel Hershiser—to name a few—have all in recent years put some item of cherished memora...

Breaking: French Photographer's Life Filled With More Beautiful Women Than Yours
Alexis has been taking pictures since he was 6 years old. An artist and editorial photographer who counts Kandinsky and Helmut Newton among his inspirations, Alexis's work has hung in Manhattan galleries and graced the pages of W, Italian Elle, and Purple magazines....

Alex Gordon Is The Best Advertisement For Wearing A Cup
For a fan, extra-inning games are only fun when your team wins. I stayed up past midnight for that? Well, how do you think Alex Gordon feels? The Royals took the first-place Orioles to 15 innings, only for Gordon, the game's last batter, to foul one off his little gentlemen. He would subsequently g...

In Attempting To Throw Tonight's Rangers First Pitch, Gary Sinise Showed Lieutenant Dan Has No Arm, Either
Gary Sinise was on hand before today's A's-Rangers game from Arlington to toss out the game's first pitch and promote his veterans' charities. Unfortunately, the CSI:NY star's throw suffered from The Big Bounce though it was, eventually, corralled at home plate. [FSSW]...