x Page 829 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
30 Paragraphs About 30 Teams From The Basketball Prospectus Guide To The Truncated NBA Season
The following is an abridged preview of an abridged NBA season, culled from the team chapters of the ever-incisive Pro Basketball Prospectus. Buy the book as a PDF for $9.98. ...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity. ...
Brandon Jacobs To Rex Ryan: "It's Time To Shut Up, Fat Boy"
Eh, it just might be. Jets lost to Jacobs's Giants, 29-14. [via Mike Garafolo]...
Yorvit Torrealba Spread The Holiday Spirit By Slugging A Venezuelan League Umpire
Rangers catcher Yorvit Torrealba is spending the offseason playing for his hometown Leones del Caracas of the Venezuelan League, and after missing badly for strike three took his frustrations out on the umpire in an ugly way. It was, if my Spanish is correct, one of two attacks on the home plate u...
Here's How Dan Orlovsky (With The Help Of The Houston Texans) Ruined Christmas For Colts Fans
Down 16-12 to the Houston Texans with 1:50 left in the game, no timeouts, and the ball on their own 22, the Indianapolis Colts would have been heavy dogs to win even with Peyton Manning playing quarterback. But win they did, thanks to the heroics of backup-backup QB Dan Orlovsky and some timely pe...
Dutch Soccer Has A Fan Problem
Predictably, in the aftermath of AZ Alkmaar keeper Esteban Alvarado being attacked by a fan, defending himself, then being sent off, the focus is on Alvarado's and the referee's actions. The Dutch FA has ruled that while the referee was correct in showing a red card, Alvarado will not receive the ma...
Dutch Cup Match Halted After Fan Attacks Opposing Goalkeeper Who Gets Red-Carded For Fighting Back
In American football, players who take down fans who invade the field during play are celebrated....
Everything's Bigger In Texas, Except When You Get Posterized By North Carolina's P.J. Hairston
Texas guard Julien Lewis is 6'3", and should probably know better than to try and stop North Carolina 6'6" freshman star P.J. Hairston. But he didn't, and it's to all of our benefit to be able to watch. [ESPN]...
Counterpoint: Charlie Brown Is Bigger Than Jesus
Gosh, somebody is taking a supposedly beloved holiday ritual and saying it's really awful and depressing. Who ever had that idea before? Oh, right: Charlies Schulz....
Fuck You, Charlie Brown
Every year you watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, and every year you come away depressed. You're a real asshole, Charlie Brown. Originally published Dec. 9, 2010. Read Tom Scocca's counterpoint: "Charlie Brown Is Bigger Than Jesus."...
The Boston Red Sox Who Stole Christmas
Aww, that's cute! Cute and a violation of copyright, per Character Arts, the company that represents licensing concerns for the Rudolph character (officially owned by the cleverly-named Rudolph, LLC). You can get the full story over at Boston Sports Then And Now, but the gist is that the Red Sox pro...
Christmas Hype Will Drive Your Children To Insanity
Christmas is four days away. I know this because my kids have been counting down the days since, I dunno, LAST goddamn Christmas. Children have boring lives. They have to go to school all day. They have to listen to adults tell them what to do. They can't watch porn. It blows. Christmas is one of th...
Here's Video Of The Goal Line Stopping The Florida Panthers From Tying The Coyotes
In their game against the Phoenix Coyotes tonight, the Florida Panthers were called for a season-high seven penalties. Yet, there they Stephen Weiss was, with a penalty shot that could tie the game with 24.5 seconds left. He tried to go five-hole, as many do. And the puck got as far as the goal li...
This Is What You'll Look Like If You Refuse To Let Go Of A Police Officer's Groin
Add Frank Slowik's face to the list of tonight's remarkable shoplifting-involved mugshots. The Chicago Sun-Times says that Johnny Law "found about $1,000 worth of stolen seafood and meat" in Frankie's car, but it's the run-up to the meat discovery that's important. To wit:...
There's Something Truly Special About One Of These Shoplifters's Mugshots
Korin Vanhouten and Eldon Alexander — you decide which is which — totally got charged with stealing makeup, energy bars and batteries from a Utah supermarket the other day. What, no lotion basket?...
It Wouldn’t Be Christmas Time Without A Lady Hoodrat Brawl At The Mall, Now Would It?
This little slice of Americana comes to you from the King of Prussia Mall, right off the Pennsylvania Turnpike about 20 miles west of Philly. There's a "Rock Bottom Restaurant & Brewery" there. A fitting name....
Today In Sexual News From Sandusky, Ohio
"PERKINS TOWNSHIP, Ohio- A Sandusky woman was arrested on Sunday afternoon after she allegedly beat her husband because he refused her sex. ... According to the report, after a day of shopping and a stop at a local bar, Vera and Harold Baaske returned home. Harold told officers that Vera wanted to ...
The Rangers Tossed Yu Darvish The Most Money, Dmitri Young Is Still Skinny, And More Hot Stove News
Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day (and whatever shit Ken Rosenthal is throwing against the wall). This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!!...
Lawsuit Will Claim Monta Ellis Sent A "Pretty Disgusting" Cellphone Pic To Warriors Employee
Per the Contra Costa Times:...
Machines Don't Fall Down Dead: How Rock'em Sock'em Robots Came To Be
Before Mortal Kombat arrived to satisfy my prepubescent need for button mashing, there was Rock'em Sock'em Robots, the first game I ever played where the objective was decapitation. Here's how it worked: You controlled one of two punching plastic androids—the Red Rocker or the Blue Bomber—by pushing...