x Page 862 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Rex Ryan Retroactively Guarantees Super Bowl Rings For Team He Never Coached
It has been a watershed week for coach fights in the NFL. First, of course, there was the Great Handshake Showdown Of Oh-Eleven at Ford Field on Sunday evening, when two grown men disagreed about the proper way to deliver post-game handshakes and resorted to standing around grimacing at each other a...

This Week In Frozen Armadillo Attack News
"According to investigators, the altercation occurred when the suspect was selling the carcass to the victim, who planned to eat the animal. The pair apparently began arguing over the price of the item when the man twice threw the armadillo at the woman. The animal first struck the woman in the leg...

Here's Chad McGhee Reminiscing About The Charity Wrestling Match He Lost Last Weekend
Chad McGhee's wrestling debut went well Saturday, despite the fact that it "didn't go exactly as I planned." He and his tag-team partner Big Dogg did not prevail. Woe was they....

The Lingerie Football League Hopes Michael Jackson's Daughter Will Help Develop "Future LFL Athletes"
Somehow, somebody at world headquarters of a football league with a fan base comprised, mostly, of dudes who like watching women in bra-and-sport-panties uniforms partake in jiggly rough-housing stroked their inspiration wand and chanted something to the tune of, "We can be an inspirational entity ...

This Evening: Just In Time For The World Series, The Ron Washington Pumpkin
Your p.m. roundup for Oct. 19, the day we learned pregnant women don't want to give birth on Halloween. Photo of the (possibly fake?) Washington jack-o-lantern courtesy @lifeguardkyle, via @bigleaguestew. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Homemade Infographic: Is The World Series Famous Enough For Dirk Nowitzki?
Maybe Major League Baseball is preventing Dirk Nozitzki from throwing out the first pitch for the Texas Rangers for some reason other than as a courtesy to NBA owners, an intersport extension of the basketball lockout. Maybe it really is that as they weighed "what makes sense for the team and a good...

Olympic Sprinting Is Sexist Toward Men, Says Research Paper I Don't Fully Understand But Sounds Plausible
We knew that false starts in sprinting are triggered by a sensor in the starting block. What we did not know is that a false start can still be triggered if a runner breaks after the starting gun—anywhere up to a tenth of a second after. This is because, the thinking goes, the human nervous system c...

MLB's Fun Police Bans Dirk Nowitzki From Throwing Out First Pitch At A World Series Game
From Marc Stein: "Sources told ESPNDallas.com that—with the NBA in the midst of a lockout that has spanned 111 days—at least some hesitation stems from the idea that MLB executives want to stand behind their basketball counterparts and have notified the Rangers that they can't bestow first-pitch hon...

Remembering The Best Punt Return That Never Officially Happened
Bears wide receiver/returner Devin Hester—as Drew explained Monday—is the human highlight reel that opponents have to kick to. He gave us a splendid return on Sunday night. But perhaps his best play of the season came on a play when he never touched the ball, on a play that never happened, as far ...

Happy Halloween! Meet The Human Centipede Pumpkin
We here at Deadspin are great fans of the Human Centipede series of films—the second of which hit theaters a week and a half ago. And we're also great fans of Halloween, or something. So when some reader—in this case Adam K., of lovely Wrightsville Beach, NC—sends us a Human Centipede-carved pumpkin...

As If A Competitive Waterskiing Wipeout Wasn't Enough, The Guy's From Ohio State
So collegiate waterskiing is apparently a thing. Nationals were this weekend, and OSU's Kyle Dammeyer went down hard and soggy. If you missed this video in Hot Clicks, don't miss it here, and turn up the sound; the announcer is gold....

John Beck Gets To Be The Next Redskins Starting QB To Screw Everything Up
According to Dan Steinberg, Mike Shanahan's decision to make a change for Sunday's game at the Panthers makes Beck the 13th different starter in Dan Snyder's tenure as owner. To which Steinberg added: "Name them all, and then punch yourself in the face." [D.C. Sports Bog]...

Rex Ryan, Drinking Buddy
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

In Case You Were Interested In A Book That Calls LeBron James A Whore
Esquire has the first excerpt from Scott Raab's The Whore of Akron, on sale Nov. 15. We'll have more later in the week. For now: "Lord. This is where LeBron James wants to play basketball, in front of sun-dried cretins who must be bribed to act as if they care about the game and the team. ... For as...

Josh Hamilton Uses Just For Men To Make Sure His 'Stache Is Not Trash
We're slightly baffled by the box of Just For Men hair color spotted in Josh Hamilton's locker by reader Patrick. (For the record, mustache & beard, medium brown.) Hamilton is usually clean shaven, so perhaps it's one of the scads of promotional products sent unbidden to athletes every day? Unless.....

Won't You Help The Man With The 100-Pound Scrotum?
The Las Vegas Review-Journal today brings us the heartbreaking story of one Wesley Warren Jr., who just three years ago possessed a scrotum as normally sized as yours or mine. (Click here for video.) But something happened, something doctors can't explain. Suffering from scrotal elephantiasis, Warr...

When Your Parachute Doesn't Open, All That's Left Is A 876-Foot Belly Flop
This is not a live-action Wile E. Coyote reenactment. It is video from Saturday's Bridge Day in Fayetteville, West Virginia, where BASE jumpers try their luck from the New River Gorge Bridge. Despite Christopher Brewer's parachute not deploying in time, his wingsuit slowed him just enough (he hit ...

Derrick Mason Says Those Five Games He Played For The Jets Never Actually Happened
From the New York Post: "To me, I went from Baltimore to here [the Texans]," Mason told The Post after the Ravens beat his new team 29-14. "I don't know what you're talking about when you mention that other place, but this place here I'm excited about."...

Jon Lester Says They Probably Only "Ordered Chicken From Popeyes Like Once A Month"
Lester tells the Boston Globe (though not Bob Hohler, who wrote this) that starting pitchers on their off-days were the only ones drinking during Red Sox games. "There's a perception out there that we were up there getting hammered and that wasn't the case... Most of the times it was one beer, a bee...
