x Page 863 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
David Brooks Has A New Phony Sociological Category: "ESPN Man"
Someone help me out. Here's David Brooks, the upmarket Jeff Foxworthy, writing about "The ESPN Man" in today's New York Times:...
Rex Ryan Is Not (As) Fat
That's him at a Jets charity function over the weekend. Holy shit....
Canadian Lacrosse Brawl Is Best Lacrosse Brawl
An emailer tells us we're looking at the Intermediate A teams (so, 16-to-18-year-olds) of the Coquitlam Adanacs and Nanaimo Timbermen fighting it out at a game on Saturday. We love it, and not just because it features so many punchable faces getting punched. Presumably lacrosse has penalties for l...
Carlos Tevez Happily Wields "R.I.P. Fergie" Sign At Man City's Parade
After a miracle at Etihad, two goals in stoppage time, gave City its first title since 1968, the team today celebrated with a parade. The trophy was carried through the streets of Manchester on an open-top bus, attended by delirious fans and at least one jubilant forward who does not forgive or forg...
Bernie Fine's Wife Is Making A "Major Announcement" On Wednesday In A Castle Outside Syracuse
Pictured is Belhurst Castle in Geneva, N.Y. Not a terribly inviting place. Nonetheless—or perhaps therefore—Laurie Fine, wife of accused molester (and former Syracuse assistant basketball coach) Bernie Fine, will speak there on Wednesday. Two of Fine's accusers, Zach Tomaselli and Floyd VanHooser, h...
Jered Weaver Sings Along To "Hit The Road Jack" After Being Pulled From Game
Jered Weaver is having an excellent season. Only two starts removed from his no-hitter, he had allowed no earned runs in four of his first seven starts this spring. But then came Sunday night and the Texas Rangers and their heavy machinery. Weaver managed to strike out Josh Hamilton twice, but he al...
Fergie's Got A Feeling Tonight's Gonna Be A Bad Night
Here's a helpless Man United manager Sir Alex Ferguson receiving the news of Man City's miracle to rip the Premiership title from his hands yesterday, something we'll cover in much more detail later as befitting the insanity that was the final day of action in England's top division....
Dan Majerle Caught An Automatic Double At Tonight's Diamondbacks Game
In his 14-year NBA career, Phoenix Suns star Dan Majerle made his name with intensity and a freakish body. Tonight "Thunder Dan" showed skills in a sport other than basketball, as the swingman—while grabbing a bite at a Chase Field picnic area—nabbed an automatic double off the bat of Geraldo Parra...
Brewers Closer John Axford Blows Save, Endears Himself To Media Anyway
Normally when a player fails to "take his lumps" or "stand up and face the music" or however else you'd like to phrase "talk to the media after screwing up," he is taken to task. John Axford, however, had a pretty good excuse and let the media know via handwritten message....
Josh Hamilton Is Hitting Baseballs Like Crazy
Josh Hamilton currently has 17 home runs. That is five better than his nearest competition, Matt Kemp and Carlos Beltran. Obviously Hamilton's had a pretty good week. After hitting four home runs in one game, Hamilton had two more last night against the Angels—adding another layer to the fun game T...
Chris "Birdman" Andersen Is The Victim Of An Extortion Attempt, His Lawyer Says
Yesterday's shocking news of a child porn investigation at the house of Nuggets center Chris "Birdman" Andersen has led to today's announcement by Andersen's lawyer that he may be an extortion victim....
Cockblocked By A Washing Machine!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Rookie Rangers Reliever Robbie Ross Reveals Wrong Regalia, Receives Ridicule
Texas rookie hurler Robbie Ross found himself in a bit of trouble last night during the second game of the Rangers' doubleheader against Baltimore after removing his sweatshirt when being called to warm up in the bullpen and realizing he was wearing the wrong jersey....
Christian School Forfeits State Championship Game Rather Than Compete Against Player Who Is Black*
An Arizona high school baseball team forfeited the state championship game Wednesday rather than face an opponent whose squad featured a black* player....
Everything You Need To Know About Sarah Phillips, Former ESPN Columnist And Social-Media Scammer
Last week, we published a long story about Sarah Phillips, the ESPN columnist who, among other things, used her connections to the Worldwide Leader to hijack a teenager's Facebook venture. The story developed quickly from there, getting progressively more complicated as more tipsters came forward wi...
Thunder PA Announcer Arrested And Fired After He Allegedly Forced Kids To Watch Him Masturbate
Jim Miller, the public address announcer for Oklahoma City Thunder games, was arrested yesterday and charged with three felony counts of lewd or indecent acts with a child under 16. The Thunder announced shortly thereafter that they had fired Miller....
What Josh Beckett Does On His Off Days Stays Between Josh Beckett And His Off Days
After apparently solving things a few weeks ago, the Red Sox have (thankfully) returned to aggressive catastrophe status. They're 2-8 in their last 10 games, including an 8-3 thrashing yesterday at the hands of the Cleveland Indians. Josh Beckett gave up seven runs in a little more than two innings,...
This Gay Marriage Headline Could Have Used Another Proofreader
From a post on the Seattle Times online about the political stance of Rep. Norm Dicks. We have no words....
Oil Can Boyd Calls Wade Boggs A Racist; Boggs Responds By Calling Boyd "A Delusional Drug Addict"
Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd and Wade Boggs were Red Sox teammates for eight seasons in the 1980s. It's safe to say they're not friends. Last Friday, Boyd appeared on "The Dennis & Callahan Morning Show" on WEEI in Boston to discuss topics ranging from growing up poor in the South to his drug use to his re...
Summer Is The Goddamn Worst
May has started, which means that we're quickly running out of May and I don't want May to end because that means summer is here and OH FUCK GOD PLEASE NOT AGAIN....