x Page 874 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

ESPN's Joe Morgan Replacement Bobby Valentine Is Not Making A Whole Lot Of Sense
Bobby Valentine, who once proved that it takes no more than a fake mustache and a novelty t-shirt to manage a MLB team (provided, of course, that you already manage said team), is in his second year of his second stint at ESPN. This year, the spotlight's shining extra bright on Valentine, who has ...

An In-Depth Logistical Exploration Of Animal Rape
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Find more of Drew's stuff at KSK or on Twitter. Email the Funbag here. Today, we're covering dead bodies, terrifying ear stories, and more....

Rugby Player Who Took An Axe To Three Guys Who Allegedly Gangraped His Daughter Didn't Have A Daughter After All
There are a couple of details to update about the whole "Alleged Gang Rape Of Daughter Drives Former Pro Rugby Player To Decapitating Axe Murder" story. For one thing, he's been identified as former Blue Bulls player Joseph Ntshongwana....

Watch An Unheralded Japanese Boxer Drop His Foe Three Times In The First Round
Just prior to last night's light-middleweight bout between the "exciting, unbeaten and seemingly unstoppable" James "Mandingo Warrior" Kirkland and Japanese boxer Nobuhiro Ishida, promoter Lou DiBella Tweeted "YOU'RE KIDDING,RIGHT?" when asked who he liked to win. As in, c'mon, Kirkland....

A Bunch Of Guys Who Dyed Their Hair Blondish Won The NCAA Hockey Championship Last Night
Your morning roundup for April 10, the day a Virginia elementary school principal assures you the fourth-grade teacher didn't really put black and mixed-race students up for sale....

"Got Rings?" T-Shirt Reminds Knicks Fans That Their Team Has Been Bad For Almost 40 Years
Yes, the Knicks have rings, this T-shirt declares. Two of them. From 1970 and 1973. And yes, the NBA store is charging its fans $20 to be reminded of the fact that they've hardly come close since. Available for purchase in orange or blue, shipping and shame not included. Via Bob's Blitz....

Wayne Rooney Curses And The World Heaves
Shrek got angry after scoring a hat trick against West Ham last Saturday and spat a few acrid words into the camera. Now Shrek will lose 250,000 squid and miss an FA Cup semifinal because some asinine arbiters of morality in sports have decided there's no cursing on the pitch....

Ryan Braun Did Not Actually Suggest Prince Fielder Is A Threat To Your Bag Of Potato Chips
Our friends at Talking Chop spotted something strange during the Brewers-Braves broadcast Thursday afternoon....

Cockblocked By Weed Addiction!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

New Sport's Inspiration Seems To Be Every Sport Ever At Once
About a year ago, some people in Philadelphia convened to create a new sport that is part football, part rugby, part soccer, part team handball, part cornhole, part — actually, it's just a sport clusterfuck. They're calling it kronum. Some of the athleticism on display in this promotional video fo...

College Kid Who Cried "Coach Attacked Me" Apparently Decided To Steal Two Beers From The Phillies
Your morning roundup for April 8, the day the Associated Press union decided to stick it to The Man, with whom it's negotiating a new contract, by not promoting stories on Facebook and Twitter next week. Consequences will never be the same....

Big Yankees Fan Offers A Rebecca Black Inspired Production Just In Time For the Red Sox Series
Michael Lapayower is very excited about tomorrow's Yankees game against their rivals, the 0-6 Boston Red Sox. Granted, LaPayower gets very excited about every Yankees game. He probably does the same on off days, even those in the offseason, just thinking about the Yankees....

Go To Gelf's Varsity Letters Tonight And Listen To Great Boxing Writing
NYC folks: Gelf's Varsity Letters free reading series returns tonight, with boxing writing from Thomas Hauser, George Kimball, and Gary Andrew Poole. Head to Le Poisson Rouge on Bleecker Street at 7:30. It will, as usual, be le great. [Gelf]...

We Can Infer From This Video That Heidi Watney Does Not Like Her Food Fried
Baseball's on-field reporters, much like NBA's sideline reporters, are often sent to ask asinine questions and do asinine things on camera. It's a part of the job. Today in Cleveland, as the Sox did indeed crawl their way into an 0-6 start, NESN sent Heidi Watney to try Progressive Field's chicken...

If Boston Gets Swept By Cleveland Today, Red Sox Nation May Implode
The Red Sox, predicted by many to win it all this year, are still without a win five games into the season. Naturally, there's a discussion board up on the Globe website today titled "Panic Time?" Is it? Last night against Cleveland, Kevin Youkilis attempted to intentionally drop a line drive to tur...

Real Men Support The Cleveland Indians By Kissing One Another On Live Television
Your morning roundup for April 7, the day that attempted courtroom eye-gouging became a no-no....

25 Jager Bombs For Only $223.75 Canadian Dollars! An Analysis Of The Epic Receipt From "The #1 Sports Bar In North America."
Here's what I like about this receipt, a full version of which you can view here: You can actually track the progressive drunkeness of whatever pack of Canadian hyenas to which it belongs by their orders. Let's see...they sensibly start with food — nachos, sliders, voodoo shrimp, chicken tenders; an...
![Karen Sypher's Lawyers May Need A Refresher Course On Law's Finer Points [CORRECTION]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j51fw71y5fojpg.jpg)
Karen Sypher's Lawyers May Need A Refresher Course On Law's Finer Points [CORRECTION]
Last we heard of Rick Pitino extortionist Karen Sypher's legal counsel, she was performing oral sex on him in his office. But that lawyer testified against her in her trial, so things weren't working out so well there....

This Texas Rangers Broadcast Clip Will Someday Be Evidence In Divorce Proceedings
Fun stuff from tonight's Rangers-Mariners telecast—good, old-fashioned Texan chivalry....
