x Page 961 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Michael Vick Might Run Out Of Money Sometime Soon
Michael Vick has now been in jail for about six months, and though he still has at least a year-and-a-half to go, he's not immune to bad news from outside the prison. As if possibly had any money left, now the Canadians are after him....
The Placement Of That Pitch Has Vexed Me, Sir. Now We Shall Wrestle
It's not really a classic baseball brawl until a tubby Don Zimmer is thrown to the turf, but this'll do. It happened on Thursday at Safeco Field: After the Rangers' Kason Gabbard tossed a fourth-inning delivery at the Mariners' Richie Sexson at face level, Sexson charged the mound and clocked Gabba...
Rocky Statue: Target Of Penguin Terrorist Plot?
You may remember just a week ago that during the Montreal Canadiens/Flyers playoff series, some amped-up Habs fans decided desecration of the Rocky statue would be a good way to show team spirit and ward off an inevitable early round exit. Didn't work....
Mindy McCready's Confessions Haven't Translated Into Album Sales Yet
Mindy McCready, the "troubled" country singer who admitted she had some sort of relationship with Roger Clemens that would probably not be copasetic with Debbie Clemens, is also trying to revinvigorate her stalled country singing career with a new album, reality show, etc. Granted, plenty of other w...
Guys And Dolls: Floyd, White Sox Back On Top
The inflatable sex doll community was shocked on Tuesday night when Chicago's Gavin Floyd once again lost a no-hitter in the late going; giving up a double to the Twins' Joe Mauer with one out in the ninth. (Inset: "Nooooo!"). Bobby Jenks came on to get the final two outs in the White Sox's 7-1 vic...
Heidi Watney Makes It Through Her First Night Unscathed
Heidi Watney, much ballyhooed as the new NESN reporter of record for her, well, her Watney-ness, had her first on-air duties last night as the Red Sox talking lady of record. Red Sox bloggers all gave her passing grades for her first night's work....
Even A-Rod's Wife Questions Her Husband's Masculinity
It's tough for most of us to watch those "Miracle of Life" shows where they give you the full access to what it's really like to watch someone have a baby. After viewing it, you soon realize that even the most gruesome horror movies showing a screeching alien ejecting itself out of a person's stom...
White Sox Locker Room Is Not A Safe Environment For Women, Real Or Inflatable
Ozzie Guillen and the White Sox are now in the midst of being criticized (again) by some sports writers and the Association For Women In Sports Media for their creative blow-up doll, slump-busting shrine. The Association said said the shrine creates an "uncomfortable" environment for female sports w...
Dice-K Takes That Sniffling, Sneezing, Aching, Coughing, Stuffy-head, Fever, So-You-Can-Still-Beat-The-Tigers Medicine
Yeah, well don't get too smug, Tigers' fans. Considering that you started the season 0-7, and you couldn't beat a wildly off-target Daisuke Matsuzaka on Monday, losing 6-3 — your fourth straight loss — I wouldn't be mocking the Lions too loudly. It may not be long before your fans are wearing paper ...
Yankees-Red Sox Rivalry Jumps Shark, Lands In Madness
Sometime in the not-so-distant future, when all the oil and electricity is gone, global warming takes a firm hold and mankind is left to fend for itself in a feral state, I would expect scenes such as the following to occur with frequency. But not yet. For the love of God, not yet. As you might have...
Ozzie Guillen Does A Brilliant Ozzie Guillen Impersonation
Perhaps it's appropriate that Ozzie Guillen would unleash one of his patented expletive-filled tirades on Chicago fans, the Cubs, and media outlets just a few short days removed from the 25th anniversary of Lee Elia's epic f-bomb ranting. Maybe it was an homage. But more likely it was just Ozzie Gui...
Great Moments In Corporate Sponsorship
Richard Hamilton has reached many highs in his life. He has won an NCAA championship with Connecticut, and an NBA title with the Detroit Pistons. But nothing will likely ever be able to match his slot as The Flomax Difference Maker....
Who Is This Old Man In My Online Baseball Schedule?
So I'm perusing the Giants schedule on their MLB site and look what I see on May 22. Apparently we're all going to the movies! I expect to see ads on the periphery of my baseball schedule, but within the schedule itself? It's just one small step from that to Doritos ads on players' uniforms. (They'r...
Gussying Up the WNBA's Rookie Class
The WNBA, like other professional leagues, holds an annual orientation for their new rookie class. Unlike other professional leagues, this orientation featured courses on hairstyles, makeup tips, and other non-pillow fighting related slumber party activities....
BWI Isn't Just a Crappy Airport In Maryland
Cedric Benson, the oft-maligned running back of the Chicago Bears, was arrested last night by the Lower Colorado River Authority (the LAPD of southwest waterways) after being stopped for suspicion of boating while intoxicated. The 25 year-old was hosting between 12 and 15 guests on his 30-foot boat...
Leeeeet's Get Ready to Spar!
Oscar de la Hoya and Steve Forbes are set to face off at the Home Depot Center in Carson, California, for some reason that nobody can quite explain. I'm not about to turn down a chance to see one of the sport's greatest competitors fight a weak opponent, but in a year that's been packed with incred...
But Where Are Rich Garces' Tits?
And...we're off. Welcome to today's first plummet into non-newsworthy despicability intended for the sole purpose of making your work day more amusing....
It's Deja Vu In The NBA Playoffs
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who is mourning the Suns today. When he's not being bummed out, you can find him hating the Spurs at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
Once Again, As Long As It's Not Crosspromoted With Bat Day
We wrote about this last year, but as long as they're having it, we're going to promote it. Get thee to Miller Park, ASAP, folks: It's free prostate exams at Miller Park day! Turn your head and cough for Dr. Bernie Brewer!...
So Let Me Introduce To You, The One And Only Jimmy Shields ...
There's no way to sugarcoat this so I'm just going to say it: We live in a world where the Rays and the Marlins are both in first place. It's a world where James Shields outpitches Josh Beckett, where Sweet Caroline is played at Tropicana Field, and where Manny Ramirez is stealing bases. Me no like ...