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Report: Joe Girardi Called Out Yankees Before Jeter's Final Home Game
The Derek Jeter farewell tour is nice, but it's also serving as a distraction for a large concern in the Bronx: The Yankees have now missed the postseason for a second straight season. Excluding the 1994 season, which had no playoffs due to a strike, that hasn't happened since 1992-1993. Manager Joe...

Baseball Player Tears ACL On Homer, Hops On One Foot Around Bases
York Revolution center fielder Sean Smith hit a game-tying home run in the eighth inning for his independent-league team last night, but slipped on first base and tore his ACL. Smith refused to get help from anyone, however; he got on one foot and hopped the rest of the way....

Thom Yorke Did Not Bypass The Gatekeepers. He Is One.
As of this morning there is a new Thom Yorke solo album in the world, titled Tomorrow's Modern Boxes and available for $6 via BitTorrent. This is cool and good; I heartily recommend you stop using BitTorrent to illegally download pornography long enough to legally check it out, flush as it is wi...

CBS Radio Producer Gets All Emotional About Derek Jeter
Before Derek Jeter's emotional last game at Yankee Stadium, CBS Sports radio host Damon Amendolara brought his Yankees-fan producer, Shaun Morash, on the air to talk about Jeter's impending retirement. The tears came pretty quickly....

That Derek Jeter Screencap, With Every Number Being Two, Is Fake
You might have seen this Derek Jeter photo somewhere on the internet today. Wow, look at all those twos! The baseball gods made it so, #R2p2ct, etc. Unfortunately, it's fake, and the guy who made it feels bad for fooling you....

Derek Jeter Went Out The Way He Deserved
I want you to just listen to the crowd as it watches the outcome of Derek Jeter's final at-bat at Yankee Stadium. It rises to pure white noise as the ball gets through the right side, sounding about as loud as a ballpark could possibly get. And then Antoan Richardson scores, and it gets louder....

Derek Jeter Hits Walk-Off In Final At-Bat At Yankee Stadium
Well, that happened. Here's a version without Bob Costas, using just the crowd audio track:...

Charlie Strong Has Been Drug-Testing The Crap Out Of His Players
Texas head coach Charlie Strong has dismissed nine players from his team so far this year, leading most of the football-viewing public to wonder what the fuck is going on at Texas. Thanks to the Austin American Statesman, we seem to have at least a partial answer to that question. The players are ge...

Mets Writer Notes Team Hasn't Balked All Year; Mets Immediately Balk
This is just beautiful:...

Phil Jackson Says Melo Will Move The Ball. So Did These Guys.
"The ball can't stop," is definitionally just some flatulence squeezing out of a hundred basketball coaches at any given moment. But this week, it happens that Phil Jackson, the new Knicks boss messiah, said this while referring to Carmelo, the basketball player whom Jackson signed this offseason. ...

Keith Olbermann Takes A Big Ol' Poo On Derek Jeter
For anyone who is fed up with Derek Jeter's season-long victory parade and all of the muck that it has produced, this nearly seven-minute monologue from Keith Olbermann will feel downright pornographic. ...

Never High Five A Guy Who Can Only Make A Fist
Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to [email protected]....

Mighty Mite Football Players Thwarted By Banner
The parents of players of the Wallkill (NY) Mighty Mites tried to do something nice for the first home game of the season, but alas, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. It seems that they thought their 50 pound sons would be strong enough to break through a vinyl banner while emulating t...

Derek Jeter Ass-Eating Gossip We Really Want To Be True
Today, a tipster sent us a bit of gossip about Derek Jeter's sex life that comes from what he claims to be a very reliable source. This gossip is likely no more true than similar stories we've come across in the past, but we really, really want it to be true. ...

That Stupid Derek Jeter Ad Will Make You Cry For America
On Thursday, The Gatorade Company Inc.—a marketing shop with a secondary concern in the manufacture and distribution of sweetened salt water—released an advertisement featuring Derek Jeter, one of the worst players in baseball....

James Dolan Is A Shitty Boss, Part 4,593
New York Knicks owner and crap-ass wannabe blues musician James Dolan tried to set some kind of world record for the most people playing kazoo in one room. He enlisted New York Knicks Amar'e Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony, who would have probably rather been anywhere else, to help him lead the crowd...

This Russian Soccer Brawl Goes From 0 To 100 Real Quick
As more proof that there's nothing Russians don't think would be improved by spontaneous kickboxing bouts, here's a video of two youth soccer teams fucking each other up after only the slightest provocation....

The Royals' First-Ever Online Playoff Ticket Sale Didn't Go So Well
If you think you bought Royals playoff tickets today in anticipation of K.C.'s likely berth, you should probably check again. This sounds ominous:...

A More Honest Version Of Gatorade's Derek Jeter Ad
The Internet's falling over itself today to provide yet another major corporation free advertising in the form of a Derek Jeter video. This one, from Gatorade, is similar to the Nike spot that ran during the All-Star Game; it, too, has some inaccuracies we felt the need to correct....