yo Page 573 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

<i>New York Post</i> Front Page Kicks Nonsensical Ass
Fenway Park has been in the news a lot of late. There was the touching Field of Dreams-inspired story of the father and son who built their own replica Fenway in the vastness of Oregon. Then the drunken awkwardness of those loveable idiots, Cowboy Up himself and the Yankees' favorite son. And, of c...

Amar'e Stoudemire Returns, Knicks Flunk Chemistry
The ingredients were all there for wild and frothing beakers to report on the Knicks game last night: A Friday night. A terrible opponent. One superstar is introduced to an otherwise stable (for the Knicks, anyway) environment, with basically nothing at stake. And, of course, weeks worth of wonderi...

LOL OMG NHL: Hockey Goes After The BuzzFeed Generation
Our friends at Jezebel pointed us to this post on BuzzFeed: "The Hottest Guys In The NHL." It's a standard BuzzFeed numbered list of large photos, with a sentence or two apiece, perfectly designed to be shared around Facebook and Pinterest by a very specific subset of the internet. But the top text ...

For Just $34.99 Plus Tax Plus Shipping And Handling, This Plain White Cap Can Be Yours
To celebrate the hundredth anniversary of Fenway Park, both the Highlanders Yankees and the Red Sox will be wearing 1912 throwback uniforms for this afternoon's game. Here's New York's old-timey duds; here's Boston's. ...

A Frozen Clock Was Nearly Disastrous In The Caps-Bruins Game
With 9.5 seconds left and the Capitals up by a goal, the puck was dropped in Washington's zone. But for more than five seconds, the clock refused to start. The Bruins cycled it around, with Patrice Bergeron getting off a shot just at the buzzer. It was thankfully blocked, because a score there wou...

NHL Disciplinary Math Update
Complaining that no penalty was called on this is four times as bad as doing this. Carry on....

Baby Ducks: The Forgotten Victims Of The NHL Playoffs
The playoffs photoshop and gif thread at HFBoards is going strong, and Pass It To Bulis has collected some of the best tumblin' Ryan Kesler gifs so far. We're patiently awaiting Nicklas Backstrom cross-checking Boo the Dog, so get on that, anonymous creative internet people....

<em>The Lucky One</em> and <em>Think Like a Man</em>: Hollywood Wants You to Have a Terrible Love Life
Like a lot of people, I learned about relationships at a young age by watching movies and TV shows. Only now in my adult life do I realize how much influence Cheers and Woody Allen and L.A. Story had on me: They helped to create a sense that love was this melancholy thing that rarely lasted, no matt...

Carmelo Anthony Has A Big Painting Of Carmelo Anthony In His Living Room
Because New York loves Carmelo again, the Post thought it time to sit down with wife La La and ask her about their Midtown apartment. (Sample answer: "Of course, many of Carmelo's teammates from the Knicks have been over, and my friends Kelly Rowland and Serena Williams have dropped in.")...

Chris Young's Hustle Earns Him A DL Trip
Diamondbacks outfielder Chris Young flung himself into the Chase Field wall to corral Pedro Alvarez's long fly. X-rays were negative, but an MRI today showed...something. Young is on the DL with what's only being called a "shoulder contusion," and the D-Backs didn't even win the game. The lesson her...

"Hell Is Other People's Fantasy Teams": Do Fantasy Sports Alienate Us?
Republished from The Classical. Art by Dmitry Samarov....

How To Earn A One-Game Suspension In The NHL Playoffs
Attack and repeatedly punch a defenseless player. Jump into a scuffle and pound on a defenseless player from behind, and pull his hair. Take runs at two separate players, ringing two bells on one shift. Give a cross-check shove to a player's face after he tripped your team's star....

Miami TV Station Congratulates The Florida International University Panthers On Their Stanley Cup Playoff Win
The Florida Panthers took a 2-1 series lead over the New Jersey Devils with an astonishing 4-3 win that came after falling behind 3-0 in the first period. It's understandable, then, that the story led off the 10:00 news on Miami's WSVN; perhaps unaccustomed to hockey success, they got a few details...
![Marian Hossa Was Stretchered Off The Ice After This Brutal Hit From Raffi Torres [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Marian Hossa Was Stretchered Off The Ice After This Brutal Hit From Raffi Torres [UPDATE]
In a Stanley Cup playoffs on pace to smash records for game misconducts, it appears its most dangerous hit to date will be one that escaped on-ice punishment. In the first period of tonight's Game Three, Coyotes enforcer Raffi Torres left his feet to hit the Blackhawks' Marian Hossa; Hossa was un...

Oh, Why Not? Here's Rob Gronkowski Dancing And Singing Along To LMFAO
The Offseason of Gronk made it to Playboy Golf a couple of weeks back. Gronk's the one in the shades with the Zubaz pants and the matching Zubaz headband. Hope that clears up any confusion....

Finance Guy Keeps Incredibly Detailed, Incredibly Creepy Spreadsheet Of His Match.com Prospects
Let's call this guy, oh, "Dave." Dave is a financial services employee in New York. Dave goes on Match.com, and meets women, and sometimes goes on dates with them. Then Dave goes home and enters all sorts of information into an Excel sheet, to keep track of everyone....

Karl Alzner Calls Milan Lucic A Crybaby. Lucic's Teammate Says He Was "An Angry Baby."
Milan Lucic hasn't made much of an impact on the scoresheet, but he's been in the middle of every physical altercation in a physical series in a physical playoffs overall. Lucic picked up three roughing penalties on the night in a 4-3 Bruins win, and on the last ended up in a Karl Alzner headlock....
![Todd Bertuzzi, Ping Pong Enforcer [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17jvco9lcokgfjpg.jpg)
Todd Bertuzzi, Ping Pong Enforcer [UPDATE]
The feud between the Red Wings and Predators that began when Shea Weber smacked Henrik Zetterberg's head off the turnbuckle glass at the end of Game 1 has extended all the way to table tennis. At Joe Louis Arena, there's a ping pong table in the hallway between the home and visitors locker rooms. An...

Boston Paper Already Declares Red Sox Clubhouse Mutiny
The Red Sox lost a frustrating game yesterday, highlighted by a questionable strike zone, a mid-conversion Daniel Bard looking great but clearly tiring, and the manager crossing swords with the team's two most beloved players. So today the Herald leads not with a game report, but a rush to be the fi...

Here's The Only Woman In New York Unimpressed By Derek Jeter
The Yankees fell to .500 on the season with a 7-3 home loss to Minnesota last night, though Derek Jeter continued his hot hitting with two knocks—including a leadoff homer in the bottom of the first. All that, though, wasn't enough to impress this lass in the Legend Seats....