yo Page 776 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Beer That Makes You SKINNY!
During the NHL Playoffs, your fans need to bust out the big guns if they're going to appropriately cheer your team onto victory. Your normal selection of Molson and elk bile isn't gonna do it; you're gonna need to start chugging the heroin beer....

Begin Preparing For The Vince Young Injury
ESPN Video Games had him at 12-1 odds, but Nashville City Paper is reporting that Vince Young will be on the cover of Madden 2008. This is awful news for Titans fans, of course, who have had enough experience with the Madden Curse — Eddie George was Patient Zero of this little game — to be awfully w...

Versus Still Working Out The Kinks
Late Wednesday night/Thursday morning, the Dallas Stars and Vancouver Canucks were in the midst of a four-overtime marathon game. Henrik Sedin took a pass from his brother Daniel, aimed to get a shot past Dallas goalie Marty Turco, and hey, could I interest you in the Winsor Pilates total body fitne...

Meet My Least Favorite Former Mets Minor Leaguer
Unless you were a huge fan of the "Man on Street" character so craftily portrayed in "What Women Want," you've probably never heard of Joe Petcka. He was drafted by the Mets in 1992, and knocked around the minor leagues before giving up baseball and taking up acting. And cat-beating....

Pretty Good. Prettaaaaay, Prettaaaaay, Pretty Good.
So you know the gruesome Jets draft video from yesterday? Well, to make sure the Jets have no more draft disasters, they're bringing in the big guns ... they're bringing in Larry David....

Folks, Do We Ever Have The Job For You
A few months ago, we told how our old friend Carl Monday was taking on a new gig with a new station. Well, he's fortifying for his investigations; he's hiring an assistant, and that assistant could be you....

Welcome To The Island Of Doomed Men
The NFL Draft is just more than two weeks away, and because we're slowly warming ourselves up to the prospect of watching Chris Berman read names off a Teleprompter for six hours, we thought we'd bring back one of our favorite videos, which pops up around this time every year....

NHL Western Conference Playoff Pants Party
OK, here's the second half of copyranter's NHL Playoff preview. We still haven't figured out what channel most of these games are on, by the way....

Fun With Facial Hair!
One of our favorite subplots of every NHL playoffs slate is the growing of a playoff beard. Because we didn't start puberty until we were 26, we still cannot grow a beard — honestly, we're barely a mammal — so we look at the tradition with envy. A solid playoff beard can foster team unity or, in a p...

NHL Eastern Conference Playoff Pants Party
Now that you have your playoff beards and your Molson, you should be ready for some NHL Stanley Cup Playoff action. One of the reasons we love the NHL Playoffs is that it's possible for games to last eight hours. At the end, everyone dies. Fun to watch....

The Daily Closer: A-Rod Will Accept Your Apology Now
Notes from a day in baseball:...

Ladies And Gents, It's The NHL Playoffs
And you thought we forgot about hockey! Canuck, please!...

You'd Think He'd Run Inside
I'm not sure exactly what sport this is (I can find no evidence of a Shirtless Snow-Diving Jackass League), but it was under the category of sports on YouTube. Maybe there's a winter roof-diving subdivision of gymnastics. The flip is textbook, though I'm not sure he really stuck the landing....

Let's Celebrate A Resurrection
The resurrection of Christ is being celebrated everywhere today (my apologies for violating the separation of church and Deadspin, especially to the many Deadspin readers who are proud, Godless heathens), so I thought we'd go in a different direction here and celebrate a couple of other equally-impo...

A Slight Departure From Billy Packer
With the NCAA tournament gone, and CBS putting Billy Packer back in his cryogenic chamber for 11 months, I thought we were entitled to some commentators with more of a sense of joy....

The Rangers Spit On Cute Girls
When there's a commercial break — yes, the NHL has sponsors! Pipe down, you! — the New York Rangers Islanders have Ice Girls clean up loose ice around the goal. They're young and cute and the fans like them, because fans like young and cute girls who are on ice....

An Opening Night Loss? No Problem!
On Faith And Fear In Flushing yesterday, Jason Fry wrote that the Opening Night game between the Cardinals and Mets at Busch Stadium last night was lose-lose for the Mets and win-win for the Cardinals. A Mets loss would remind of misery, and a win would just remind of what could have been; meanwhile...

Opening Day Eve, Or Whatever They Call This
Tonight, The St. Louis Cardinals begin their defense of the World Championship. Providing the opposition for the World Champion Cardinals will be the New York Mets, who are not World Champions, and who the Cardinals beat in the NLCS last year en route to a World Championship. On the hill for the Met...

Ironically, Goebbels Actually Liked The Jets
Not a good sign for the New York Giants: Tom Coughlin is beginning to crack under the pressure, and it's not even April. Get those season tickets now, fans! From the New York Daily News:...

Your NL East "Preview"
We should probably warn you: The Phillies are one of those teams we pick to win the National League East a lot. If you haven't noticed, they haven't won the NL East in a long, long time. But we're gonna try again anyway....