Tebow Wins Heisman, Loves Jesus

Illustration for article titled Tebow Wins Heisman, Loves Jesus

I didn't watch the Heisman Trophy presentation show (what's the point?) but I've been assured that Tim Tebow did in fact win. As a Gator fan of some 20 years I'm quite happy for Superman, but I'm not going to bludgeon you over the head with my homerism the way Tebow does with all of that god talk. Of course it's hard to fault the young man for being so god damned pious and humble off of the field. The pimp-ish quarterback/superhero became the first sophomore to ever win the award that all but cements his future.


Tebow, who beat contenders Darren McFadden, Colt Brennan, and Chase Daniel for the award to become the first sophomore to win the trophy, said he plans on entering the clergy now that his career as an athlete is done.

"I'll follow the example of my boyhood hero Danny Wuerffel and help those less fortunate by preaching the word and working in the community. It would also really help if I didn't have to throw anything ever again, since I couldn't toss a sandwich wrapper into a wastebasket with any accuracy now. I would also appreciate not being jostled or bumped."

Yeah, it's mornings like this that make me happy that Jesus created Every Day Should Be Saturday. Be sure to check out the rest of the brilliance, especially all of the advice Tebow received from past winners.