Texas Longhorns

1. Two Names To Know: Todd Wright And Dr. Randa Ryan. Assistant athletic director (and former swim coach) Ryan had the honor of getting academic failure/star forward PJ Tucker back on the eligible list — despite committing the most retarded shot clock violation in the history of ever with five seconds to go in the A&M game, he rocked a 3.3 this fall. Wright is regarded as one of the country s best strength coaches; his speed room alone at the 44,000 square-foot Denton A. Cooley Pavilion is worth $300,000, which makes him an important employee for the almost absurdly injury-prone Horns. For example, senior forward Brad Buckman s 2005-06 season included but was not limited to the following injuries: hyperextended right knee, two left ankle sprains, bad hip, right calf strain ... Come to think of it, what the hell is Wright even doing?

2. PJ Tucker Is 1 For 1 From 3-Point Range. Ever. And as far as we know he is 0 for 0 in dormroom lipsynching.

3. A Hardly Obscure Fact That Still Bears Re-Mentioning. No team in NCAA history has ever won national championships in football and basketball in the same year. Did we mention Texas also won the 2005 NCAA Baseball championship, too? Oh, and the women s gymnastic team might have won nationals last year. And the women s intramural volleyball team. And rumor has it the golf team looks outstanding. — Whitney Pastorek