Chris Myers gave himself a water bukkake before the Bears-Panthers game. We're pretty sure we never need to see that again. In fact, we're stepping away in a moment to invent a time machine so we can step back in time to smash our television set just before it happened and then tell our self in the past to erase this post. Which we wouldn't have written if our television was smashed. We'd write about the guy that looks a lot like us that smashed our television. See, it's complicated, but we really need that image to go away. And now your NFL update: • Bears 7, Panthers 0- The Bears blocked a punt for a touchdown on the first series. Brandon Lloyd owners should be ecstatic. Mostly because it's pudding day at the sanitarium. Yaaaaaaaaay pudding day. Jake Delhomme would like to enjoy pudding day as he is getting the ever-lovin' snot pounded out of him. • Bills 7, Jaguars 3 - Marshawn Lynch gives the Bills an early lead with an 11-yard horse-analogy-here (trot, gallop, skip, etc.). • Giants 7, Rams 0 - Eli Manning passed to Plaxico Burress. A touchdown occurred. You have now seen the entire Giants offensive playbook. (Please note we did not show you the Rams' defensive playbook. We do not see evidence that it exists.) • Colts 0, Vikings 6 - Scoring can occur through kicking the oblong object of the game. Good to know. • Raiders 6, Chiefs 0 - Lane Kiffin is still employed. • Packers 7, Lions 0 - Matt Millen is still employed. • Titans 0, Bengals 0 - Eh. • Saints 0, Redskins 3 - Double eh.
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Blue Jays pitcher Alek Manoah learns what karma means