2012 was a big year for athletes appearing on the little screen. Below are notes and grades for these 25 guest turns:
- Robert Griffin III, The League: This is a good reminder that, earlier this year, RGIII was the sort of guy whom comedian Nick Kroll could get to say, "I think Pete Top/Kevin Bottom can definitely win the Shiva Bowl." Nowadays, Nick Kroll couldn't get within 100 feet of RGIII. B.
- Ryan Lochte, 30 Rock: Lochte may or may not be an asshole, but he was born to play the part of a sex idiot. A.
- Amar'e Stoudemire, The Mindy Project: Like Mike D'Antoni before him, Tommy Dewey of The Mindy Project is just another white dude who won't let Stoudemire play his game the way it was meant to be played. C.
- Blake Griffin, Sesame Street: Griffin takes some time from his busy schedule to taunt the children of the Los Angeles Lakers. Nails it. A-.
- Ryan Fitzpatrick, The League: Fitzpatrick brings the pretentiousness to this Wonderlic-centered episode of The League (did you know he got a 48?!). Someday a QB will score a perfect 50 on this dumb test, and then there will be literally nothing notable left about Ryan Fitzpatrick. D.
- Chris Bosh, Go On: Bosh continues his quest to prove to the world that he's a solid defensive player by blocking Matthew Perry. B.
- Shane Victorino, Hawaii Five-0: A Daniel Day-Lewis-esque performance out of Victorino, as Shane, Hawaiian baseball player, disappears into the role of Shaun, Hawaiian pharmaceutical executive. A+.
- DeSean Jackson, The League: Unfortunately, sexy DeSean Jackson couldn't deliver on his masturgreement of two touchdowns per game. Thank god Jenny was interrupted just a few seconds later before she could seal the deal. C-.
- Eli Manning, Saturday Night Live: Not only did the younger Manning hold his own on SNL, he actually delivered one of the season's best lines. Now somebody please go and make a 'shop of Eli Manning looking at a picture of Eli Manning with a banana cock. A.
- Ryan Lochte, 90210: Lochte, once again playing a sex idiot, apparently had some trouble with the very few pieces of dialogue he had in this episode. C-.
- Amar'e Stoudemire, The Exes: A big year for Stoudemire on TV, but The Exes director Andy Cadiff really deserves the credit for the killer pan that makes this joke land. B-.
- Terrell Owens, Go On: Owens was surprisingly game to appear in such a negative light in this completely out-of-context clip. B+.
- Trent Richardson, The League: Rookie Trent Richardson is unhappy with the team that drafted him in this 2012 Duplass-brothers documentary, The League. B.
- Baron Davis, The Mindy Project: Davis improvised much of the dialogue about his love for Splash, but Mindy Kaling is a comedy pro and didn't miss a beat. B-.
- Chris Bosh, Jessie: Bosh hits just the right note of menace while interacting with children on the Disney Channel. A.
- Gabby Douglas, The Vampire Diaries: The writers of The Vampire Diaries wisely play to Douglas's strengths: smiling, moving, being adorable. Speaking not necessary. Not sure what's going on with those flowers, though. A-.
- Jeff Gordon, The Simpsons: Remember when The Simpsons used to have awesome athlete guest stars? I'm going to go watch some old Simpsons now. D.
- Kareem Abdul-Jabar, Guys With Kids: Poor Kareem—he just wants to be an actor, but nobody can look past the basketball player. B-.
- Danny Granger, The Mindy Project: There is nothing interesting about this clip of Danny Granger, because Danny Granger is in it. F.
- McKayla Maroney, Hart of Dixie: Maroney shows off her versatility by indicating disapproval without doing that thing with her mouth. A.
- Felix Jones & Jason Witten, The League: Jones is in on the joke, but Jason Witten really just wants to know what the word "upwards" means. WHY WON'T ANYONE TELL HIM? C+.
- Metta World Peace, The Eleventh Victim: It's pretty clear from this clip that Metta World Peace and Nancy Grace have already/will bang at some point in this film. Don't believe me? Go ahead and watch this entire Lifetime movie, based on Grace's first novel, and prove me wrong. I dare you. D+.
- Terry Crews, The Newsroom: Crews's acting career peaked with the role of President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. Now he's reduced to looking stoic while straight-shooter Will McCavoy says ever so slightly racist things at him. C.
- Misty May-Treanor, Go On: It doesn't matter that Misty May-Treanor is definitely straight, Matthew Perry isn't an easy dude to fake sexual chemistry with these days. B-.
- Brandon Carr, The League: One truth about being an athlete is that you're going to end up seeing a lot of unclothed dudes. This may help explain why Carr is generally unmoved, and even a bit playful, when confronted with actor Jon Lajoie's naked body. B+.
Know any athlete guest appearances we missed? Leave them in the comments! And yes, we're aware that Adrian Peterson was just on The League. We'd already made the video, deal with it.