The Astros finally lost but these cheaters never got what they deserved

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These jerks are done for the year. Sorry, Dusty,
These jerks are done for the year. Sorry, Dusty,
Image: (Getty Images)

Aledmys Díaz didn’t deserve to be the guy who made the last out for the Astros.

Díaz is a perfectly fine baseball player who burst onto the scene as an All-Star shortstop for the Cardinals in his rookie year of 2016, and since has settled into being a useful utilityman, traded to Toronto after the 2017 season and to Houston in November of 2018. He didn’t choose to play for the Astros, wasn’t part of their cheating to win the 2017 World Series, and had been 5-for-11 in this year’s ALCS before he came to bat in the ninth inning of Game 7.

Josh Reddick struck out before Díaz came up. That’s great! He’s an unrepentant cheater who could’ve tied the game if only he could’ve had someone tell him what pitch was coming so he could hit a home run.

Had Díaz reached base, the next batter was George Springer, with Jose Altuve after him. But no, Díaz made the final out, so the winning pitcher of Game 7 of the series where justice was finally served to those jerkface cheating Astros was… former jerfkace cheating Astro Charlie Morton.


The truth is, justice will never be served to the 2017 Astros. They got away with it, and for the most part, learned nothing. They whined about how they were treated and perceived, when in fact they were let off the hook from ever having to face a stadium full of fans this year because of COVID-19. They’ll still get plenty of boos next year, sure, but by then even more players from the cheating championship will have moved on to other teams, and it’s not like a single player from the 2017 team has had to suffer a single real consequence of their actions, or ever will.

At least the universe got it right with the losing pitcher, Lance McCullers Jr., the son of a major leaguer and former first-round draft pick, on a team with the fifth-highest payroll in the league, who had said on Oct. 5, seriously, “We may not have the big names, big bank accounts, but we got guys with balls. We got a good team.”


Yeah, he gave up three runs in 3.2 innings to the Tampa Bay Rays.

This was going to be an opportunity to make fun of the state of Georgia, which saw Atlanta lose again to force a Game 7 of the NLCS on Saturday afternoon, saw Alabama score 24 unanswered points to come back and beat the Bulldogs on Saturday night, and on Sunday gets that Game 7 of the NLCS, but only after an afternoon of Atlanta Falcons football.


But… the Dodgers are charging $75 per car to come to the Dodger Stadium parking lot for a “Postseason Drive-In.”


Seventy-five dollars!

Seventy-five dollars.

What do you get for $75? You get to sit in traffic going to Dodger Stadium. “You will be directed to park in a specific spot to expedite loading. You will not be able to choose your parking spot.” Also, you can’t leave until it’s over, so everyone will be leaving at once, which, hey, cool, more traffic. Also, “no food will be available for purchase on site.” And you’re staying in your car dammit, because “the setting up of lawn chairs, portable chairs, blankets, or seats outside of a vehicle is strictly prohibited.”


Also prohibited are animals, fireworks, lasers, drones, noisemaking devices, external speakers, alcohol, and cannabis. And there’s no WiFi. “Dodger Stadium assumes no responsibility of any kind for injury or property damage.”

They will, however, gladly accept responsibility for the $75 you give them to sit in your car for three hours, only getting out to go to the bathroom, before getting back on the freeway and sitting in your car some more to go to the home you shouldn’t have bothered leaving in the first place. Enjoy!