Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion
This image was lost some time after publication.

As evidenced by our 3-5 record of predicting playoff games so far (straight up, no spread), we're notoriously lousy at pigskin prognostication. It's not like this has been the easiest postseason to predict anyway; we can only think of one prediction system that would have led to a correct Steelers-Broncos AFC Championship Game prediction.

And, fortunately, that prediction model is still in place: We introduce the "Beard To Success Ratio Theory", which takes into account the follicle tendencies of the starting quarterbacks — length, lack of grooming, thickness/patching — and estimates a team's fortunes accordingly. As you can probably guess, Jake Plummer and the Broncos are golden in this system. If you see a Seattle-Denver Super Bowl, you'll know why: Beard aggressiveness.


More proof, by the way, that the Bears should have kept Kyle Orton as the starter.

"JT's Beard To Success Ratio Theory" [Deadly Hippos]

Share This Story

Get our newsletter