Anyway, if the series abides by any traditional laws of narrative and plot arc, the Faceless Men are up to some shit—and I’d bet money that folds it’s something along these lines. There are other pieces to different versions of the Faceless Men theories, like their involvement in unsettling various governments so that they are less prepared to rally a defense against the Others, or that they are trying to set off a volcano at Dragonstone to kill everyone, but these are less centered around getting everyone in one damn place to end this godforsaken story already.


Is it possible that none of these threads actually wrap up neatly and nest within each other? Of course it is. We just watched Stannis end a four-year walkabout by taking one to the dome in the woods. This show has the morbid sensibilities to have the Faceless Men up and say, “Hmm, we really can’t figure this one out; guess we’re going to sit out this apocalypse battle and hang out in our temple.” Presuming we aren’t all engaging with the most ambitiously trollish waste of popular culture’s time on record, though, it’s this theory or one a lot like it.