Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion
Image credit: Celestial Seasonings

Today the NFL, which is in the middle of its offseason, announced its preseason schedule, and nearly everyone involved with the game appears to have completely lost it.

The league itself is very excited to tell you all about preseason games that will be played many months from now, assuming we all survive that long:


Before the schedule came out, though, reporters frantically rushed to beat the league’s official announcement of the schedule by minutes:


Team press shops, meanwhile, were hard at work:


To the league, to the reporters, and to the dozens who spent time frantically hitting refresh on their browser in hope they’d get to see if the rumors about the Browns’ Week 3 matchup were true, we recommend Celestial Seasonings’ Sleepytime tea. The company may have a questionable history, but no one doubts that its reliable mixture of soothing herbs—“including delicate chamomile, cool spearmint and fresh lemongrass,” according to its website—can help you calm down when you’re wound up, so that you can close your eyes and take a much-needed nap.

Editor at Special Projects Desk

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