Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

The One Where Mark Sanchez Unconstipates Himself With A Spoon

Welcome back to Deleted Scenes. If you're new, read this to figure out what we do here. If not, well, let's get down to business. (PHOTO: via Bart Hubbuch's Twitter)


Let's Hear It For The Poise

During one of those commercials hyping next week's Brett Favre/Mark Sanchez match-up during Monday Night Football last night my girlfriend mentioned that one of her roommates at Berkeley grew up with Sanchez. I asked her if she knew any good stories, but aside from Scott only referring to him as "Squanchez" (and no, no one seems to know where this nickname came from) she said only one story stuck out in her mind.

I guess there's no real lead-in to Scott's favorite Sanchez anecdote. Sometime in high school Sanchez was suffering from constipation, and shoved a spoon up his ass to "scoop out the poop" and get the process going. I'm not sure what type of spoon he used, or which end went in, but it apparently worked pretty well. — Derek M.


Roy Oswalt At The Pink Pony

Hey guys,

Thought you might get a kick out of this story. My cousin and I got into Atlanta late Friday night to catch the Saturday and Sunday Braves games vs. the Phils. We headed to a pub near our hotel where we caught a bite to eat and ran into a few fellow Braves fans in town from Canada. We had a few drinks and then, upon the recommendation of one of the bartenders, caught a cab out to the Pink Pony strip club. A few cocktails and lap dances later, one of the Canadians honed in on a short, well-dressed dude sitting with three or four ladies at an adjacent table. After studying him carefully he turned to us and said, "Guys, I think that's Roy fucking Oswalt." We all studied him from across the dimly lit club and eventually corroborated his conclusion. A steady buzz began to build and Roy, catching wind of it, rose with his "escorts" to leave. But before he could get within spitting distance of the door, myself and my new friends had initiated an effort to surround and bear down on him with Tomahawk chops and Braves chants. Security didn't intervene, I'm not sure they had any idea who he was. Roy, to his credit, took it all in stride and grinned as he inched towards the door. Unfortunately, I can't furnish any pictures because we were in a strip club and the guards were all too willing to confiscate any camera phones. But it was definitely evident to my cousin and I that the corners of Roy's mouth turned up into a knowing grin when we screamed "Pink Pony" at him when he pitched the bottom of the 3rd during Sunday. — JH


I Guess That's A Peanut?

We live in the Peanut Valley of New Mexico so naturally, our young school children learn about peanuts ad nauseum. I question the intellectual value of the coloring sheet below, but I am glad my awesome wife noticed it enough to send it to me

Now approve my account so I can make some "in soviet Russia" jokes and eventually get banned by Craggs — Lukas C.


Barry's Father Gets In On The Cigar Guy Meme

Your dog needs obedience school


Colin Cowherd Picking His Nose? Colin Cowherd Pic...


Image via, H/T Jovan J.

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