Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

The Terrifying Horrors Of Sports-O-Ween

We've tallied the results and as suspected....your Halloween costumes kind of stunk. Don't sweat it though. At least you weren't burned alive for going to a Scottish soccer match dressed as a sheep.

Actually, there were a few good costumes submitted in this batch and some of you definitely get an A for effort. Some others get a G for "Geez, you're not even trying!" We also have a few costumes from actual professional athletes just to prove that famous people can be just as uncreative and boring as the rest of us.

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But hey, we can't all be born with a Hollywood makeup crew at our disposal or the body of a video game character now, can we?

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After explicitly ignoring our warning, this fellow decided to go ahead and "salute" the scandal of the year. I'm not sure how wise that was, but one thing is certain...

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... anytime you have to put the name of your costume on the front so that people know what the heck it is, you know you've really picked a winner.

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Also, it attracts the drunk football gals. [Spotted in Madison, WI. Photos by Andrew B.]

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Fortunately, after walking around St. Louis in his Matt Holliday costume for five minutes, Scott S. had enough people throwing baseballs at his crotch that he no longer needed the duct tape.

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Who does reader Jonathan G. think he is?

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Young Will Gerard of Champaign, Illinois, went as Junior Bruce Weber. Sadly, he died of a brain aneurysm after arguing with a 9-year-old referee over a mini-Snickers.

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A different Will G. sent us another Kenny P. Well, he does have a way with the ladies.

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I'm not even sure Jason D. meant to submit this as a costume ... unless it's "Kid Who Lives His Whole Life Without Ever Rooting For A Winning Baseball Team." Frightening, indeed.

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Adam says his "friend brie is a dead nba ref that's what she gets for fixing game." If you say so. A kneecapping would have sufficed.

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Janna S. turned herself into a USC Song Girl then turned that into a zombie. That's the sickest costume I've seen yet. For shame!

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Lilia B. also went with the zombie cheerleader theme. She claims she's a Texas fan going as a bloody Okie State backer. That's great, but maybe she should use a napkin when eating french fries.

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Andy F. is disqualified for submitting a picture from two years ago and labeling it "me as third-string Neckbeard Orton, with Pat Foley." Oh, Andy. Matt Foley was the motivational speaker played by Chris Farley, who also played Todd O'Connor on "Bill Swerski's Superfans." That looks more like Pat Arnold (played by Mike Myers) ... unless that's actual Blackhawks play-by-play announcer Pat Foley under that get up. In that case, bravo.

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"A friend of friend" of Jamie B. dressed as Theo Fleury. Gee, and I wonder why childhood sexual abuse isn't a more popular costume?

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Alex Q. is the reason we now have instant replay during apple bobbing contests.

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That's supposed to be the real Antoine Walker in Miami Beach dressed as "a guy who can't afford a Halloween costume because he gambled away $50 million." Pretty convincing actually. [Photo sent by Javier F.]

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What are these Utah Jazz players supposed to be? Oh, I get it! The Clippers! Very scary. [More photos @ SLC Dunk]

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Chicago Blackhawks Jonathan Toews and Adam Burish started the weekend as Dumb and Dumber.... [Not Qualified To Comment]

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... then their costumes got really stupid. Actually, that's Burish on the left and Patrick Kane as Scottie Pippen. (No, it's not technically blackface, but if you can't see why white people painting their skin black as part of a joke is problematic, then I can't help you.) [Chicago Now]

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Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian ran into their doppelgangers—a slutty cat suit girl and a rejected Muppet. [Friends of the Program; Don't ask me why the faces are painted.]

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Yep. Pretty sure that's NOT a costume. [Photo sent by Erinn C. Seen in Ybor City, Tampa]

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Finally, the winner of our Sports-O-Ween "contest" is our own FatNakedMoleRat. Anybody who not only recognizes their resemblance to King Hippo, but embraces it, deserves a medal in our book. Bravo, sir.

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