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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

There are like 50 teams in New York and they all suck — including the Yankees

Illustration for article titled There are like 50 teams in New York and they all suck — including the Yankees
Graphic: (Shutterstock)

Start spreading the news: New York is OFFICIALLY the Loser Capital of sports.

Pick up a rock, close your eyes and hurl it. For sure, it will probably hit a N.Y. sports franchise that hasn’t won a championship since Moby Dick was a guppy.

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After all, the city is littered with both garbage and teams that simply can’t win the big one.

At one time, Gotham could always count on the Yankees — the team that has won more championships than any other professional team in North America. And at 27, it isn’t even close.

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But the Big Apple can’t count on the Bronx Bombers anymore.

After being knocked out of the ALDS playoffs on Friday by the Tampa Bay Rays, the Yankees are done. It has now been 11 years since they won a title, and was the last team standing in October.

The Yankees have turned into trash, basically the Mets in a different borough.

That might be a bit harsh, but that’s how some Yankees’ fans have to feel after YET another disappointing trip to the postseason.

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To be fair, the Mets are worse. They couldn’t even make the playoffs this season when MLB expanded the playoffs to damn near everyone due to the pandemic. More than half the teams in baseball advanced, but not the Mets.

That will make 34 years since the Mets won a World Series. It’s been so long that sportswriters used typewriters back then to write their stories.

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The only thing worse than the current baseball teams are the Apple’s NFL teams.

The Jets and Giants both stink to the high heavens. Both are now 0-5. The Giants lost to the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday, 37-34, on a last-second field goal.

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Coming into the game, the Giants had scored just three offensive touchdowns in their first four games. They have been pathetic.

And that’s saying a lot because this franchise has won two Super Bowls in the last 12 years, beating the mighty New England Patriots... twice. There was nothing better when they beat Tom Brady and the undefeated Patriots in 2008, one of the greatest upsets in NFL history.

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Seems like a million years ago now.

Same goes for the Jets when you talk about them last winning a Super Bowl. Few can remember them winning in January of 1969. The film from then is so grainy now you can barely make out which team is which.

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Still, that was magical. Quarterback Joe Namath made that famous guarantee before upsetting the mighty Baltimore Colts, as the AFL knocked off the behemoth NFL. But now when most people think of the Jets, they think of a terrible organization with no clue how to put together a football team.

In a league built on parity, the Jets have been putrid for decades.

Speaking of decaying and rotting, enter the Knicks. Another losing franchise coming from the City that Doesn’t Sleep.

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The Knicks haven’t sniffed a championship since 1973. It was so long ago, the ball still had laces.

This is yet another embarrassment for New York basketball fans, who call The Garden basketball’s Mecca.

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The Knicks might be the most valuable franchise in the NBA. Forbes reports that they are worth $4.6 billion. Too bad, however, the team can’t buy a championship with all that loot.

A lot of the Knicks’ woes has to do with a terrible owner in James Dolan. Free-agent superstars won’t even sign with the team.

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Ask Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving about this. Both opted to go to Brooklyn to play for the Nets, a franchise that has never won anything in the NBA.

The Nets next championship will be their first. They joined the NBA in 1976 after selling Dr. J to raise the money to leave the ABA to join the NBA.

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You want to talk hockey, too? The Islanders last won a Stanley Cup in 1983. Granted, it was their fourth straight at the time. But it’s been slim pickings for decades now. And the Rangers haven’t raised the Cup Since 1994. And in reality, they’ve won one Cup since 1940.

The championship drought has damaged the confetti industry in the city.

Think about this, in the last two years, the Rams went to the Super Bowl, the Dodgers have been to the World Series and the Lakers won the NBA title on Sunday night.

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Yes, New York, you are rock bottom when compared to L.A.

In fact, compared to everyone in sports these days.

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