There Is A Tim Tebow iPhone Game, And It Is Terrible

While the iTunes Store exploded with Tim Tebow-related apps in the heyday of Tebowmania, none of them really qualified as "games," most being trivia or Bible-related. Sensing a gap in the market, an outfit called TriStar Games (presumably no relation to the film studio) released "Tebit Time" earlier this month, and I decided to take advantage of its three-day sale and acquire it for free to provide a full review. (None of the apps, including this one, appear to have any proper licensing from Tebow himself.)

You can view the gameplay above, which is mostly unedited and reflects the three minutes I spent attempting to play the game. It's one of those "endless-run platformers" in which you have to either attack oncoming foes or jump over things—though jumping was something I was never quite able to figure out. While tapping the screen is supposed to produce a stiff-arm or a jump, whether or not the game actually responds to these commands is kind of a crapshoot. (Kudos on that chiptune version of the Fox theme, though!) You can also perform a Tebow, which does nothing except expose you to enemies and cultural critics.

There is no apparent goal to the game, either, except to rack up rushing yardage. Your enemies are either the Barcelona Dragons from the old World League of American Football or gigantic lumps of meat left on the Mile High Stadium field by unknown parties. Contact with either will cause your Tebow to disintegrate and end your game. Your eternal fate after is left unspecified, as there is no portrayal of an eight-bit afterlife in the app.

"Tebit Time" looks and feels like a game written in fifteen minutes by someone who didn't quite grasp the nuances of the iOS development environment. I cannot believe they actually charged for this game at one point. Nor can I recommend you acquire it, even for free, because whatever time you spend on this game you will never get back. That is time better-spent picking your ass, screaming at small children, or abusing your dog. No matter how badly you feel after doing any of those things, you will regret it less than if you play "Tebit Time."

"Tebit Time" is compatible with iPhone, iPod Touch, & iPad. It is compatible with Game Center, which means your friends will know you've been playing it and will make fun of you.

h/t to PiB for letting me know about this abomination