This Man Should Be Brazil's Next Manager

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The Brazilian soccer association has confirmed reports that Brazil's manager, Luiz Felipe Scolari, has resigned. Huge surprise! Luckily, we've come up with the perfect, if unconventional, choice to be his successor.

Let's face it, Big Phil was always a bit of a joke. He's the worst kind of manager, the kind that gets by preaching toughness with an authoritarian bent that most NFL coaches wish they could emulate. In place of ideas about how best to emphasize the attacking talents at his disposal, he resorts to cynical defensive tactics, hoping the handful of truly special players Brazil can't help but produce can come up with enough moments of individual greatness between spells kicking their opponents' shins that the wins will pile up in spite of his contributions. Luckily for us, if not for Brazil, Germany and the Netherlands proved that this wasn't going to fly in 2014, so Scolari got shit-canned.


As always, the focus now is on the future. Brazil are reportedly willing to entertain some new ideas and might open their search to include some foreign names for a change. Hopefully they are serious, and at least look to someone outside the pragmatic, former defensive-minded Brazilian international well they've continued to revisit recently, despite the evidence that it hasn't worked. But in case they haven't, might as well try Ted Lasso. Scolari is basically the same as the "former" Tottenham manager, just with a better grasp of soccer's verbiage and a bunch of people actually humoring his stupidity.

Below you'll find our original Ted Lasso post.