To Watch Tonight...

• College Football: Sheraton Hawaii Bowl. Arizona State vs. Hawaii. I wonder if there are teams that purposely shoot for a berth in the Hawaii bowl. "Well, we're 8-1, but if we win out, we might get a better bowl that the Hawaii Bowl... we better just lay down this saturday." 8:00, ESPN. • Movie. Kingpin. Do me a favor, will ya? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table? 8:00, ESPN Classic. • NFL. Football Night in America. If Sterling Sharpe wanted to make this Christmas a happy one, he'd push Jerome Bettis off a cliff for me. 7:00, NBC.

(They're closing the bar and kicking me out now... so we're probably done with the NFL updates for today. In fact, we're done with just about everything.)