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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Toilet Paper Madness Costs Field Hockey Powerhouse Spot In State Tournament

Image via CBS Baltimore/YouTube
Image via CBS Baltimore/YouTube

Severna Park, a Maryland high school with a history of kicking major butt at field hockey, has been disqualified from the Maryland 4A state semifinals after an annual toilet-papering ritual blew out of hand, reports the Washington Post. But, you are wondering, just what the hell is an annual toilet-papering ritual?

Falcons players traditionally throw toilet paper on Coach Ann Andrews’s house if they win the region championship, a lighthearted prank that Andrews said she looks forward to every season because it’s a sign of the team’s success. Severna Park is a perennial field hockey power.

Ah ha. But, you are wondering, just how the hell does this annual toilet-papering ritual blow out of hand? Well, it seems the members of the 2017 Severna Park field hockey team caught toilet papering fever after wrecking Coach Andrews’s house, and their toilet paper madness couldn’t be sated by one measly home:

But Wednesday night, during a team sleepover, players hit Andrews house and moved on to several friends’ homes.

“They may have gotten some of the houses wrong,” Andrews said.

But, you continue to wonder, to my great annoyance, who are the victims of an annual toilet-papering run amok? Anne Arundel County wet blanket Bob Mosier told WJZ13 that the real victims here are the poor innocent folks who lost whole minutes of their lives to the hateful task of cleaning some toilet paper from their dang yards:

The Severna Park Principal initially suspended the entire team and three of the team’s coaches for a game, but then the Anne Arundel County Superintendent came down the mountain with a ruling that the Falcons would have to forfeit their spot in the state tournament. The spot will instead go to South River, who the Falcons reportedly defeated 4-1 Wednesday afternoon.

Staff Writer, Deadspin

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