Inspired by our Bristolmetrics series, commenter Carrie Hunt and the Spoonerisms did some Torontometrics in last night's DUAN, and it sounds like our neighbors to the north are pretty into this "hockey" thing. What, no clamorous blowhards trolling easily agitated morons? How can you tell the clowns from the frauds?!
I'm Canadian, and I've always thought that the ongoing Bristolmetrics/ESPN stories present some weird, alternate, confusing universe - a bitter universe, revolving around a black hole of Lebron, Tebow and shouting matches - far removed from the concept I know as "sports media". So I pulled out a notepad and decided to run some Torontometrics, a look at the stats behind the edition of TSN's Sportscentre that ran immediately after the end of the NBA Finals, just to give you an idea of how the other side consumes sports. (If you're unfamiliar, TSN is Canada's national sports network and shares a lot of ESPN content, and all of the Sportscentre graphics/sound cues would be familiar to ESPN viewers, but I'm sure you'd be mindfucked by the content, like biting into what you think is a familiar apple and having it taste like beef jerky.)
Breakdown of most of the show before I stopped keeping track:
NBA: first 3 minutes of the broadcast
Euro 2012: 2 minutes
NHL Draft: 10 minutes, with a 4-man panel live from Pittsburgh
CFL preseason action: 2 minutes
NHL season schedule announced: 2 minutes
MLB: 2 minutes
NHL Draft: 8 minutes
(Ad break, and I'll stop keeping track at this point, but spoilers: it promises to be almost entirely about hockey from here on in, and the Top 10 later on promises to be about memorable NHL Drafts)
Lebron was mentioned 13 times. Wade was mentioned 3 times. Durant, twice.
Nail Yakupov, at least 25 times, before I stopped counting the mentions for minor league hockey players. Rick Nash was mentioned more times than every Thunder player combined, and he didn't even DO anything this week.
So that's what Sportscentre is like in Canada, immediately after Lebron wins an NBA title, do with this information what you choose.