Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "HOOD FIGHTS|At the Club Sikira in Philadelphia, PA (women edition)." Tonight's commentator: Deadspin Editor Emeritus A.J. Daulerio. (Coming next week: The Fremont Street Experience)
Amid all the usually WATUPBITCH shenanigans we can only conclude that this disagreement began over wardrobe; specifically, why on earth would the short-haired woman dare step foot into Club Sikira so smartly dressed?
According to one Yelp reviewer at Sikira, the "women dressed so slutty, sexy I was at a lost for word." This woman is not dressed "slutty, sexy," and it's not surprising that once she stepped foot inside the bathroom wearing such drab colors and a pencil skirt, she was attacked.
Those choices, naturally, result in a beatdown by not one, but two women, one of whom is wearing only a black bodysuit. (She, obviously, got the memo about Sakira's wardrobe.)
Hair-pulling commences, as the woman in blue with the pink extensions and her bodysuited cohort control our little miss go-getter quite ably. They push her head into the mirror above the sink several times, stunning her, but she's unbowed. There is a little resistance, but it's tough for the go-getter to gain footing and control, even though her opponent's braids seem easily yankable.
It's more challenging since the woman in the bodysuit keeps up a steady flurry of rabbit-punches to her head throughout. I believe I heard someone yell something about "breath stinks," which may be another clue as to why this fight broke out to begin with. Perhaps it's an argument over the last mint from the bathroom attendant, or plaque build-up—a total toss-up at this point.
More shoving, this time into the electronic hand dryer, and then a few more rabbit-punches and head-shoving into the wall from the bodysuited enforcer. Our go-getter's outfit is now completely ruined, her top is open, form-fitting bra on display. But before there is actual blood or boobs, men enter the fray and separate them.
Let this be a lesson to all those who plan to enter Club Sakira: dress sexy-slutty or risk serious injury since the dress-code appears to be strictly enforced by its patrons.
And now the rest of the Tuesday Night Fights:
• Girl asks girl to get the fuck out of her face, as she's not playin'. Girl refuses to get the fuck out of said face. Girl chest-pushes girl. Girl responds with in-kind violence and whoops up on she who asked for out-of-fuckin-face-getting courtesies. Tantruchaos ensues. (Start of Violence, 0:27)
• To believe the YouTube titler, one must believe that this scene involves "Girls Fighting for some weed! crazy smh !!!!!!!!!" That's a LOOOOOOOOOT of head shakin', yo. (SoV, instantly)
• So, yeah, "DRUNK RACIST IDIOT GETTING BEAT DOWN BY SECURITY GUARDS" is not what you'd expect it to be. (SoV, 0:04)
• WORLD STAR! From outside Club Envy in Elizabeth, NJ. (SoV, instantly)
• My Favorite Video Since That Whole Table-Throwing, Chair-Catching Extravaganza Nomination:
• This is what happens when you wear white after Labor Day, ladies. (SoV, instantly)
• "Rez Knockout" comes with an outdoor couch, bitch tits, a somewhat exposed ass and a knockout you really can't see. (SoV, 0:10)
• Welcome to Inquitos, Peru. (SoV, 0:02)
• White Boy Day (SoV, 0:14)
• Your Commemorative Keepsake Dude-In-Shower-Cap-Kicks-Ass Video Postcard:
• Poll (Letters Only): Is this, as advertised, the K.O. of the year? A) No. B) But it's still worth watching for 20 seconds. (SoV, 0:03)
• In which YOU WILL PAY FOR THROWING A SKATEBOARD INTO THE WATER, BROSEPH, YES YOU FUCKING WILL. (SoV, fluid)
• All in the name of Charity Water. (SoV, 0:06)
• The Tiffany from Lithonia (in the pinkish shirt) Apparently Wanted You To See Her Fight Tiara So Let's Pay It Forward Moment:
• From the 215 area code comes "getto fight at philly," which is more like profane discord in an alley-like side street somewhere in town (SoV, 2:19). Bonus Coverage: Boobs and car chase or fight.
• From TNF Beijing Correspondent Anthony Tao comes "Paunchy, Probably Drunk Middle-Aged Men Duke It Out In Alleyway" (SoV, 0:45). Also, this little ditty in which a wife beat her drunken husband "in a Chinese train" (SoV, instantly).
• From Mother Russia, some gentlemen prep for the 2014 World Cup by kicking some drunk guy in the head repeatedly. (SoV, 0:04). Bonus Coverage: They take their blogging way more serious than their pussy counterparts in America (SoV, 1:00).
• The Slow Build Intermezzo:
• In retrospect, Dee Snider should have reviewed this one (SoV, 0:04)
• Pueblo, Colorado: Where the womenfolk can fight and smoke at the same time. Well, at least one of them can. This one. This treasure. (SoV, 0:49)
• Discord at the Southland Mall, yo. (SoV, 0:05)
• The Gang-Whooping In The Snow Outside The Outlaw Saloon News Report:
• From TNF viewer Will E. comes this formative tale of young besting old in feats of strength and fortitude. (SoV, 0:16)
• This looks like a fun car show, wherever it may have been. (SoV, 0:02)
• Others: "FIGHT MANCHESTERS BAR & GRILL." "Girl Fight in the Bronx." "Copy of CROWTOWN BRAWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Epic fight 18 beats down 45 year old man." "MAN BULLYS PEOPLE WITH TIRE IRON." "EXCLUSIVE Douchebags Harasses Geo at Blarneys and Gets Dragged Out." "Hoodrats Fight Over Gas Pump While Thugs Try To Break Up Brawl!" "Crazy Girl Fight." "Schoolgirls Jump a Poor Girl at her Locker in the Hallway." "Fight In Da French Street [-18]." "Dunkin world war 3." "Funny Fight In the Snow (Real)." "Phoenix Hill Tavern Brawl." "Ghetto brawl 5th ward pt2." "Video of Fight Club at High School in Victorville, California - Parents Outraged."
• Crazy White People Coda: