Last night, Emmitt Smith continued his inevitable decline into post-athlete career depression by "shining" on "Dancing With The Stars," impressing the judges with his ... aw, jeez, we can't even type this without feeling bad about ourselves and everything about sports.

We were asked the other day why we mocked people like Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith so much for their last sad grasps at fame and/or fortune once they can no longer succeed on their chosen fields of battle. They are, after all, celebrities, and this is the type of endeavor celebrities undertake: Dancing around on television and smiling and acting all together inoffensive and cute nice. But they are, in the spectrum of celebrity, D-list: This is why they are on a show with Mario Lopez and Tucker Carlson rather than, you know, Jack Nicholson and George Clooney. But these are legends: Emmitt owns just about every rushing record, and Rice might possibly be the best football player of all time. And they're making idiots out of themselves on reality shows, just so people will remember who they are, which, of course, is all we want to do: Remember. Instead, they just won't shut up.

Emmitt Smith Danced Like A Teddy Bear [The Sports Pulse]