What Is A Lap Dance? You Know, In An Existential Sense, Aren't We All Just God's Lap Dancers?

So the Vikings sex boat trial in Minnesota is going on, like, right now. Well, kind of; former quarterback Daunte Culpepper and fullback Moe Williams are trying to talk a judge into dismissing charges against them. The two players were charged, pretty much, with receiving lap dances, which has spun our legal system into motion: They've spent all morning attempting to define what a "lap dance" is. It's pretty great.

Judge Kevin Burke questioned the attorneys as he tried to define a legal definition of a lap dance, saying he knows of no relevant case law.

Both attorneys claimed that the details in the criminal complaint were not specific enough to reach what is typically considered a lap dance. ...

Prosecutor Steve Tallen responded in court that he thinks it's clear what the definition of a lap dance would be and that he didn't need to be more specific in the criminal complaint. He said that if Burke dismisses these charges, he would refiled them with more specifics about lap dances.

Man, the world just isn't the same if it doesn't have Mike Tice as a head coach in it. We claim no expert knowledge in the growing field of The Specific Parameters Of Lap Dances And Their Various Permutations, but we rest easy, knowing that the Minnesota legal system is all over it.

Hearing On Vikings Boat Scandal Focuses On Defining Lap Dance [Minneapolis Star-Tribune]