When Did Sportsy Wives and Girlfriends Get So Trashy? (Oh, the Mid 90s, Right)

The "English football" (f'ing soccer) team has banned the amazingly skanky wives-and-girlfriends club from hogging all the 2010 World Cup attention. America doesn't have the Posh Spice nightmare syndrome as bad—yet. But we're working on it.

Whilst browsing the Yankees' girlfriends forum today (what? I do that every day), I got all lost among the Ambers and the Ashleys. (Man. How can you not enjoy the comments there: "I think thats really nice that the wives are so involved with there husbands sport and the other wives.It's nice to see there not stuck up because there rich :)" It's like Deadspin, but literate!)

But baseball isn't even the problem. Tony Romo (HE PLAYS HOCKEY RIGHT?) is seriously not helping with the entrashening of America, since he's dating this 22-year-old actor's sister, after breaking up with Jessica Simpson. Her Twitter bio: "Tears may be dried up, but the heart - never." OK! DEEP.

The whole Tila Tequila-Shawne Merriman situation—last night pictures of her bruised-up business were released on the Internet—is just nasty. For starters it means there are pictures of Tila Tequila.

Obviously the best U.S. WAG is long-time Jason Kidd-doer and Playmate Hope Dworaczyk. If you are not following her Twitter, you are missing out, and probably having a decent life. It is like reading the dictionary, after it has been chewed-up by a 5-year-old.

Also here is a delightful Wikipedia defacement on Danielle Gamba, who is Yankee pitcher (editor's note: HA) Nick Swisher's ex. (Apparently he is now dating some chick from "Reba," which airs on Lifetime, which you have seen, if you are a TOTAL FAG.)

Well, we all have to make a living, and pay for implants, somehow. Screwing football players is just one kind of decent job. How does it happen? Oh yes:

Last July, while the Sox were in Anaheim, Calif., to play the Angels, Buchholz attended an "Affliction'' mixed martial arts card with teammates Craig Hansen, Manny Delcarmen, and Sean Casey. Between fights, they spotted Donald Trump, one of the organizers, and introduced themselves.

Afterward, while they mingled, Trump returned with a woman.

"Hey, Clay, I want to introduce somebody,'' he said. "This is Lindsay. She's single.''

"He sort of threw her at me,'' Buchholz recalled. "I was like, ‘All right.' ''

That's how Buchholz met Lindsay Clubine, a model who once opened briefcases on "Deal or No Deal'' - she was No. 26 - and now hosts a travel show.

It is all Trump's fault.