Who Are Those Handsome Devils?

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

[Image sent by Martin B.]

* Ben Roethlisberger will not participate in the Steelers voluntary conditioning program this week. What's Mr. Big Shot got going on that's so important? [ESPN]

* Iowa gets the offseason coaching carousel cranked up by hiring Fran McCaffery away from Siena, while Iona's Kevin Willard will pick up the pieces at Seton Hall. First order of business: Grow a kick-ass beard. [Press-Citizen/Boston Herald]

* The women's bracket loses another number one seed, Duke and Baylor will meet in the Regional Final (again) and none of that matters because Connecticut continues to scorch the Earth. Seems like we're just going in circles here ... like a carousel! [Yahoo/SI/Hartford Courant]

* Formula 1 champ Lewis Hamilton had his non-race car towed after he was pulled over in Australia for squealing his tires like a civilian. If only he had some place to get that out of his system. [The Australian]

* Golf and NASCAR were both rained out yesterday, so you didn't miss anything by not watching them. What luck.

* * * * * *

And how was your weekend? Is anyone watching "The Pacific"? Who knew an entire theater of war could be so sleepy?