Who's Sorry Now? Rocket Edition

Nowhere in the recorded history of regret has there been a more hang-dog expression than this. Hasn't Roger Clemens suffered enough? Just look at him. The round head that reminds you of the boulder that chased Indiana Jones. The pale skin that reminds you of the moon. The furrowed brow where he keeps extra folding money. On Sunday Clemens came hat in hand to the Houston Chronicle and apologized ... for what I have no idea.

He admitted to no specific wrongdoing. See for yourself:

"I know that many people want to know what I have to say about the recent articles in the media. Even though these articles contain many false accusations and mistakes, I need to say that I have made mistakes in my personal life for which I am sorry. I have apologized to my family and apologize to my fans. Like everyone, I have flaws. I have sometimes made choices which have not been right."

Never has the non-apology apology been so artfully crafted. That's some fancy pitching right there. He's still got it, folks.

Elsewhere in the Kingdom of Remorse:

• The beard stubble and sailor's tattoos should have been a clue. Sorry. — Ronaldo

• Sorry I will soon make you forget about Erin Andrews — Samantha Steele (via SportsbyBrooks)

• Sorry I will soon make you forget about Allison Stokke. — Jessica Gysin

• Sorry about the crybaby shirts. Please stop calling in phony orders. — Papa Johns

• Sorry for faking The Big One one too many times, 'Lizbeth. — An actor

Clemens Regrets Personal 'Mistakes' [Houston Chronicle]