We move on to Night 2 of the Showcase Of The Immortals… or in this case, Johnny Knoxville. Who I guess is immortal in his own way. The second night looks to be decidedly weaker than the first, which is saying something, but the main event could and should be enough to justify the whole night. Let’s get in up to the elbow.
Fels: The first half of this card is a complete snooze, and this will be the perfect lead off for a show you’ll mostly have on in the background while doing something else. AEW has kind of put paid to the wrestling trope of “big monster,” given that all their big guys can really do stuff and are fun to watch. Going from that to watching Omos lumber around like Frankenstein in skinny jeans is a real gear change. Lashley is great, but he would have to put on the performance of his life to make Omos look interesting. Omos has yet to be pinned, I think (I really don’t care and can’t watch Raw enough to find out to save my sanity), so I’m assuming Lashley gets the pin here to start another babyface run to the top. Maybe he’s the one to take the Raw half of the unified titles off Roman. Don’t go out of your way for this.
Blum: Does Omos fall like a domino? Does he squash a former world champion? Who cares? Not me. Lashley returning is a good thing because he’s good at sports entertainment. Omos is not, so losing in this match is the only option. Lashley defeated Lesnar two months ago before a sabbatical because of injury. Lashley needs to get some momentum back quickly, maybe a program with Cody Rhodes actually would make sense, as to who could be the more legitimate challenger to a unified champion. Omos can go being a big guy with two left feet elsewhere until he has more skill in the ring.
Fels: Not getting any better! Theory has been someone they’ve been trying to turn into a star for a while now, and I’m not sure it’s taking. And I definitely know the way to not turn him into a star is to give him a match against a broadcaster. Yes, McAfee was fine in his one venture into the ring in a War Games match, but he also had seven other guys to do all the work and set him up for the one or two spots required of him. Yet another non-wrestler taking a spot a real performer could have done something with. I don’t know how this makes Theory look good, beating up on a nobody, but whatever. I feel like I’ve been saying, “Whatever” a lot for this show.
Blum: Theory was an Indy darling around 2018 when I saw him wrestle live for the first time. He’s good, damn good at wrestling. And putting him against McAfee is an interesting move for the show. Why does McAfee have to wrestle, period? He’s a great commentator and clearly loves pro wrestling but why does he take a spot on the biggest show of the year from someone way better and more deserving? Theory quickly beating McAfee here would be the best scenario. Why give this match more than 10 minutes? And let’s move onto the next snoozer.
Fels: If this was the only “celebrity match” on the whole card, it would be great. We know Knoxville cares not for his own well-being, has charisma and charm, and is actually still somewhat relevant. Sami is the perfect guy to get something out of this. But because it isn’t, it just feels part of the undertow dragging this whole show to hell. I’m sure there’ll be a good laugh or two. A big spot or two as well, and Sami wins to keep his momentum going. What that momentum is pointed toward, I have no idea.
Blum: I’m a huge fan of Jackass. All the skits and hijinks make for a great television show or movie. Knoxville enters the squared circle again to face Zayn, another undervalued talent within the walls of WWE. The fact that Zayn hasn’t been a world champion yet on the main roster is a crime. Yes, he’s that good and is facing someone better designed for a guest appearance on The Masked Singer instead of WrestleMania. Knoxville taking up another spot on this card instead of a full-timer performer is infuriating. Zayn wins and hopefully is done with Knoxville for good after this bout.
Fels: Finally, something we can get behind. I don’t know about this whole turn of making Edge become Malakai Black when WWE already had a Malakai Black and didn’t use him, but these two are good enough to get beyond that and just have a banger 15-minute dream match. Given how devious they’ve made Edge in the build to this, and given that it’s been focused on bringing the “real” A.J. out, I think Styles takes this to propel him into one last babyface run toward the top. Yet another candidate to take the Raw half of the titles off Roman, and you can certainly see a Bobby-Styles program to get there first. Now that I’ve said that, they’ll probably make it Omos to stand in AJ’s way because of their history and I’ll just stare at my belly button lint and wonder where I went wrong.
Blum: I actually love this new gimmick from Edge. Despite the pandemic derailing a lot of the amazing nostalgia of Edge’s return, he was always a better heel than a face. This was always coming from the time he was cleared to return to the ring. I love the ditching of his old theme song and coming out with another banger from Alter Bridge. Bringing out this persona to face Styles feels like convenient timing, but as long as this is a long play from Edge, I’ll continue to support it. A longer program here also feels like the right decision no matter who wins, maybe going until Hell in a Cell in a few months. I’ll take a Styles victory, sending Edge further into madness. A clean Edge win with Styles coming back another time makes less sense. And I don’t want to see a screwy finish between these two.
Fels: We’ve seen these three teams do enough work in every combination to know that they will have a good match. But this is also on the card simply because these are the only three tag teams Raw has and they didn’t want to bother with telling any other story. RK Bro takes this in a match that will probably be better than it has any right to be, and probably start us down the road for some kind of split between them.
Blum: Lots of great wrestlers in this match, not sure it holds a lot of weight. It’ll be a good match for sure. The more important storyline coming out of this match would be the standing of Riddle and Randy Orton. Riddle needs to be a world champion within the next two years and not many other members of the roster have more legitimacy in developing another talent. Orton and Riddle have been great together and should win here. The more Riddle wins the better.
Fels: I almost wrote “Suzanne Vega” for the headline which tells you what my interest level is in this. This is another match just thrown together with no thought or logic. Sasha and Naomi are awesome, and it’s great to see Naomi get on the big stage after her woeful program with Sonya Deville. But why is Ripley in a team with Morgan after splitting up with Nikki ASH to go on her own? What is Bazler doing with Natalya, who basically acts as a drain blockage wherever she’s put? Carmella’s pairing with Vega has devolved into just Carmella talking about boning Corey Graves as an advertisement for their TV show where she talks about boning Corey Graves. If you want to see what the metaphor of throwing something against a wall looks like in real life, here you go. Anyway, Sasha and Naomi win because only when Sasha has the tag titles do they care to do anything with them. Maybe an Asuka-Io feud is coming? Let’s hope.
Blum: It feels weird to have this match at WrestleMania. I’m happy so many talented women get a spot on the biggest show of the year, but how many actually will get to display the full extent of their ability with seven other wrestlers in the match? Sasha and Naomi feel like the right choice to retain and with the impending return of Bayley, could lead to an interesting story. The rest of the teams feel thrown together and we might get three different tag team splits in one match. I wouldn’t mind seeing that.
Fels: Hard to believe this is their third Mania main event with each other and far and away the most interesting (though the first one was pretty good). Vince has been smashing these two together for seven years hoping to get a classic, and it’s a little frustrating that it finally worked. Still, pretty much all of this has been expertly done, and babyface Brock has been a surprising success. This should be worth every inch of its placing and hype. There’ll be Paul Heyman-centric shenanigans and the Usos will probably get involved too. Should be 12 minutes of fury though, because Brock will turn a new shade of purple and die if it goes any longer. Roman is going to take it though, holding both titles to push him as high up the mountain as WWE possibly can before the eventual tumble down it. It’ll be great, it just sucks when Vince gets what he wants. But then, Vince always does. Life of a billionaire.
Blum: The endgame. The unavoidable WrestleMania main event that we all saw coming from miles away. And it still feels fresh because of Reigns and Lesnar’s effort despite both wrestlers being paired together and shoved down our throats as a package deal since 2015. I was in the building, front-row upper deck to be exact, the last time these two faced in a WrestleMania main event four years ago, when BeachBallMania ensued. This is a far cry from that, as that matchup was poorly handled in every sense. This one should make both guys look fantastic, with Roman continuing his dominant ways and unifying the belts. It’ll be the second WrestleMania in a row where him posing with a world championship will be the closing shot. It’s a great thing WWE has going, with whoever finally takes down Reigns using it as a tagline for the rest of their career. Calling it now: WrestleMania 39 main event: Riddle beats Reigns for a title.