Zlatan Scores, Makes World Reconsider Hatred Of Manchester United In EPL Debut

Zlatan Ibrahimović has never once let us down, so there was no question that he would score in his Premier League debut with Manchester United against Bournemouth today; the only question was how. Volley from 40 yards out? Bender from a corner? Hypnosis? If you had your money on “exploiting a near-invisible seam,” collect your winnings.

Figuring out how to reconcile their feelings for Zlatan with their feelings for Manchester United is something billions will be doing this year.