A List Of Suggested Public Editors For Deadspin

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Deadspin is currently in the process of reporting a story on its owners, an exercise that we’ve done in the past to varying degrees. In a total coincidence, the folks in charge have started pushing for a “public editor” to ensure that all future articles that may include reporting on ourselves would be “objective.” One of those folks even sent a 5,000-word email to the entire company to get ahead of his own site’s story. Thanks for pissing on our scoop, man.

In the interest of reaching a compromise, even though the flop-sweaty maneuver infringes upon the editorial independence guaranteed in the collective bargaining agreement negotiated by our wonderful union, Deadspin has agreed to allow a public editor to look at this story—provided it is one of the following candidates and no one else:

  • Kyle Wagner
  • Laura Wagner
  • Moritz Wagner
  • Jim Tomsula
  • Nathan Peterman
  • Lennay Kekua
  • Daniel Radcliffe
  • Mack Scocca-Ho
  • Our uncle who works at Nintendo
  • Wilfredo
  • @baberuth
  • Mr. Baseball
  • Karl
  • Rick Bacon
  • Kingsley
  • Ned
  • Cryptkeeper Al Davis
  • Margaret Sullivan or someone
  • Not Kevin Draper
  • One of the Deadspin children, selected at random
  • One of Deadspin’s evolution-defying pugs, selected at random
  • One of Deadspin’s many Canadian girlfriends, selected at random
  • Katharine Graham (Diana’s cat, not that dead lady)
  • The giant Jon Gruden bobblehead we still have in our office for some reason
  • Red Gruden
  • Fuck it, Jon Gruden
  • Ben, our loyal tipster
  • Ben, our other loyal tipster
  • Those other loyal tipsters—you know who you are
  • The reader named “George Gun” who once emailed us “VIETNAM MOTHERFUCKERS” and nothing else
  • One of the commenters in the greys who brag about how much money they’ve made working from home
  • Spim Janfeller ... wait a minute, that mustache comes right off! How’d he get in here?!