Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

• Grapefruit League: Cardinals 9, Mets 6. Albert Pujols goes deep three times, forcing the entire roster of my fantasy team to weep in jealousy.

• NBA: Jazz 91, Clippers 106. And the Clip Show wraps up a winning season, clinching it with a victory over the Jazz. In other news, Andrei Kirilenko's wife is wondering what Anna Benson is getting so bent out of shape about.

• NHL: Penguins 4, Islanders 0. Shut out by the Penguins? Ooof. Whatever island you're on, Islanders, stay there, because you are smelly.

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