Andrew Luck's Not Rocketing Up Draft Boards After This Performance

Your morning roundup for Oct. 30, the day we learned we really are all Dave McKenna. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

What we watched: College football—all day. It was a lot of fun. Then I had to make a little deposit into the good will account.

So, last night, me and the Mrs. caught up on some old dvr'd programming, including Modern Family, Parks and Rec (which has really grown on me after a very slow start to the series) and a bizarrely touching Halloween episode of The Office. After that, we watched Twilight, on television. It's about vampires, but really it's just Mormon anti-sex propaganda. Oh, and terrible movie-making. I did catch the later college football madness, though. So, win-win?

Not just a bridesmaid: John Axford may not have even gotten to the World Series, but he's still a winner. He is the proud recipient of the 2011 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year award. "Said AMI Chairman Aaron Perlut, 'Even though he is Canadian, we believe John represents everything else the Mustached American community values: humor, intelligence and good looks. He is also very tall.'" [ American Mustache Institute]

HOTFUCKINGSTOVE: Yeah, I know. The World Series just ended—but free agency officially begins today. Check out MLB Trade Rumor's snazzy Free Agent Tracker for all your free agent tracking needs. [ MLBTR]

Your The Lorax trailer interlude

Some alliterative and onomatopoetic prose for Joe: "His quarterbacks, once again, were mostly anemic. His team went nearly 59 minutes without reaching the end zone. Yet when all was said and done — after previously perfect Illinois kicker Derek Dimke's 42-yard field-goal attempt doinked off the right upright as time expired — Penn State's undefeated Big Ten record remained intact and its iconic coach reached yet another milestone. Paterno landed his 409th career win, breaking the Division I record previously held by Grambling legend Eddie Robinson. [ SI.com]

I'm green with ivy, I mean envy: "The one-time journeyman, 2005 seventh-round draft pick and Harvard graduate has formally arrived as a bona fide NFL starter after being rewarded with what could potentially become the most lucrative contract in team history. It's a bold move by a team that's spent much of the past 15 years searching for someone to fill the quarterback role, and a reward for a player who as a first-time starter this season has led a revived offence that has Buffalo off to a surprising 4-2 start." [ CBC.ca]

Merch: Managing editor Tom Scocca and contributing editor Drew Magary have both written books. You can buy Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Future here, and Magary's The Postmortal here. Now do it.

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