billyhaisley Page 20 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Deadspin Up All Night: SpongeBob In The Bentley Coupe Banging The Isleys
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Attention NYC-based soccer lovers: Planning to watch Saturday’s Champions League final but haven’t yet settled on a venue? Want to drink free booze and mingle with us in our luxurious GMG offices? Along with our friends at NYC Footy, we’re hosting a watch party and we want (some of) you to come. RSV...
Arsenal Have A New Manager, But Still Don't Seem To Know Who They Want To Be
Arsenal have been in the midst of an identity crisis for some time now. Once it became clear that the club’s iconic, long-serving manager Arsène Wenger had seen his once-adamantine grasp on the levers of success steadily loosen over the years—a slackening some overly unsympathetic spectators might s...
Does MLS Still Suck Ass? An Investigation
Here are the L.A. Galaxy, historically MLS’s premier outfit, the team that currently employs the league’s most high-profile player in Zlatan Ibrahimović, boasts the second-highest total salary expenditure this season, and is currently spending more money on defenders than anyone else in MLS, in Mond...
Eden Hazard Is Too Good For Chelsea
Chelsea beat Manchester United in the F.A. Cup final this weekend in a match that was bad for connoisseurs of sumptuous soccer but good for haters of José Mourinho and for fans of Eden Hazard. That last aspect of the game’s outcome is a positive not only because it’s always cool to see a great and f...
Jozy Altidore's Foot Surgery Could Put His World Cup In Dange—Oh Wait Goddammit
In a better world, the news that Toronto FC and USMNT striker Jozy Altidore’s underwent foot surgery yesterday would’ve been awful. Oh Christ, you would’ve thought to yourself after seeing the Altidore news in this hypothetical world where the weather’s a little nicer and your parent company is a li...
Fair And Balanced Referee Knocks Over Defender, Then Goes And Trips Attacker
Apparently they don’t teach referees in Turkey how to avoid standing right in the middle of the action so as not to bowl over a guy with the ball, though it looks like they do teach them how to remedy a situation like that by sneakily taking the legs out from under a player on the other team, so it ...
Deadspin Up All Night: Don't Be Near The Mic When The On Button Switch
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Mario Balotelli Scores Wonderful Goal, Talks Shit About Referees
When last we heard from our favorite mohawked madman, Mario Balotelli, it right about this time last year as he came to the close of what turned out to be an unexpectedly impressive but still quintessentially Balotellian inaugural season with Nice in France. We are delighted to inform you that since...
Barcelona And Real Madrid Combined For One Exquisitely Dumb <i>Clásico</i>
Spain’s El Clásico remains the biggest and best rivalry in all of soccer. Especially during the last decade, when matches between Barcelona and Real Madrid practically always meant matches between two historically great teams who desired nothing more than to stick a shiv into their most hated foes’ ...
Liverpool Lose By Enough To Win Their Way Into The Champions League Final
Continuing this year’s Champions League tradition of first-leg beatdowns followed by second-leg borderline meltdowns, Liverpool lost to Roma today by a score of 4-2 but still won the tie. They will now meet Real Madrid in the final in Kiev on May 26th....
Ethiopian Soccer Coach Fired For Socking A Ref In The Face
Video replay in soccer sucks, but goal line technology is great. The biggest advocate for the introduction of this tech in Ethiopian soccer is probably the referee of this weekend’s Defence Force vs. Welwalo Adigrat match, since it probably would’ve saved him from getting fed this fist sandwich:...
Blame Bayern Munich, And All The Rest Of Them
If, after watching Bayern Munich’s appalling display of simultaneous superiority and ineptitude that granted the evil white empire of Real Madrid entry to the Champions League final, you found it a little difficult to maintain the furious, righteous anger in your belly once you saw the agonizing, te...
Historically Horrendous Boner By Bayern Munich's Keeper Gifts Real Madrid A Goal
If ever there were any doubt that Real Madrid are the luckiest team in the history of the world, this staggering gaffe by Bayern Munich’s Sven Ulreich that set up Karim Benzema for the easiest goal he’ll ever score in his life should remove all doubt:...
Deadspin Up All Night: New Version Of Pete Rock
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Reminisce on better days with this song, and try not to let your enjoyment of this classic be overshadowed by the recent events that have led to John Legend exposing himself as the herb he truly is....
Soulless Avatars Of Late Capitalism Set Up Nicely To Acquire Another European Cup
European Soccer Market (ESM) analysts the world over are still abuzz about the big step Real Madrid (ESM:RMD) took on their path to consolidating their ownership of the European Cup for the third consecutive year....
High-Kicking Madman Should Maybe Switch From Soccer To Taekwondo
Here we have yet another South American soccer player who apparently can’t differentiate between the kinds of kicks you use to score goals as Messi when playing FIFA and those you use to punt opponents’ heads off their bodies as Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat:...
Mohamed Salah Ate Roma Alive
Midway through the process of finding the precise Hannibal reference to throw into a headline about how thoroughly Mohamed Salah had obliterated the Roman forces sent to Liverpool in today’s fantastic Champions League semifinal, Roma stormed back from what was a 5-0 deficit to seal for themselves a ...
The Ballon d'Or Is Stupid, But Mohamed Salah Deserves To Win It Anyway
If there’s any justice in the world, Mohamed Salah will be rewarded for his jaw-dropping, record-making, goal-packed, unforgettably great season with the highest individual award in the land, the Ballon d’Or....
Soccer Player Tries To Beat His Manager's Ass For Subbing Him Out Of Game
We’ve all seen players stomp off the pitch in barely suppressed anger after their manager has subbed them out of a game. A far less common sight is a player communicating his post-subbing displeasure by walking off the pitch and straight over to the coach and attempting to kick his ass:...