billyhaisley Page 56 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
English Commentator's Heart Breaks In Real-Time When He Sees Iceland Score On England
Former England manager Steve McClaren had the misfortune of commentating on his country’s humiliating loss against Iceland for Sky Sports yesterday. Watch as he goes from desperately projected confidence to utter despair in about three seconds, and chuckle to yourself about England’s unceasing failu...
Iceland Players Earn Spot In Valhalla By Toppling England
The ancients foretold the coming of Ragnarök, the great battle of men and gods that would take the lives of countless figures both small and great, culminating in the destruction of the world as we know it today. A select few fallen warriors, hand-picked by Odin himself, would, upon their deaths aft...
Italy Just Ran Over Spain
It says something about the outrageous quantity of quality Spain have that even late on in a match in which they had been thoroughly dominated by a famously talent-poor Italian team, it still felt like they’d somehow snatch an equalizer and at least force extra time. Instead, Italy continued pressin...
Iceland Striker's Mighty Foot, Imbued With Power Of Odin's Spear, Puts Team Up 2-1 On England
The Viking warriors that make up the Iceland national team are in the fight of their lives right now, trying to take down England as huge underdogs. England went up early with a Wayne Rooney penalty, but Iceland leveled almost immediately through Ragnar Sigurdsson, before Kolbeinn Sigthorsson’s cool...
God Fucking Dammit, Gonzalo Higuaín
At this point, it’s pretty hard to dismiss out of hand the notion that Gonzalo Higuaín—unquestionably one of the best forwards in the sport, fresh off a historically great season—might be a sleeper agent embedded in the Argentine national team for the express purpose of bringing the team, the countr...
Spain International Nolito Has The Best Brexit Take
So yeah, Brexit! What a thing, right? So crazy, that Brexit. Can’t believe it, uh, went down. I definitely understood before last night the stakes and nuances of the Brexit—of course I did, I am after all a learned individual and a conscientious member of the global community, duh—but if you need a ...
Deadspin Up All Night: You Look So Daughterable
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Forza....
Hater-Ass Diego Maradona Is Lowkey Shit-Talking Argentina's National Team Again
Argentina, you may remember, just Hulk-smashed the USMNT in the Copa América Centenario earlier this week to earn a spot in the Copa final—the third consecutive tournament title match the Albiceleste have competed in. Understandably, someone asked former Argentina great and current waterlogged greml...
Jamie Vardy Snubs Arsenal, Agrees To New Contract With Leicester
So, remember just a couple weeks ago when Arsenal set the summer transfer rumor mill ablaze with their uncharacteristic, win-now bid for Leicester City’s Jamie Vardy, which threatened to seismically alter the Premier League landscape? Well, Vardy just killed all that today....
Swedish Soccer Player Sent Off For Ripping A Big Ol' Fart
Everyone knows you run the risk of being punished when you mouth off to a referee, but what happens when it’s your butt cheeks that do the talking? A Swedish player recently discovered that to at least one ref, hot air emitting from your backside can earn you a red card just as quickly....
Icelandic Announcer Shreds Vocal Cords Calling Home Country's Winning Goal
If you’ve ever been curious about the proper vocalization of “!!!!!!!!!,” this Icelandic announcer is here to enlighten you with his call of the home team’s historic Euro 2016 win against Austria:...
Thank You, Lionel Messi, For Demolishing The USMNT
It’s hard to think of an image that better encapsulates the confidence permeating Lionel Messi and—through osmosis, if nothing else—his fellow Argentine teammates than those few moments right before he took that free kick against the U.S. last night....
Asgard On Earth! Iceland Wield Thor's Hammer And Crush Austria With Last-Minute Goal
It took until the final minute of the final group stage match, but Iceland, the smallest country in the tournament, scored the winning goal against Austria to win a place in the Euro 2016 knockout rounds:...
Cristiano Ronaldo, The Cheekiest Bastard, Is Doing All He Can To Rescue Portugal
This. Goal. Is. Disgusting. Microphone-chucker Cristiano Ronaldo, desperate to deliver Portugal from the group stage of the Euros, kicked in this stupid-good one-time backheel to bring his team back level against Hungary....
Fed-Up Ronaldo Responds To Reporter's Question By Chucking Microphone Into Lake
So ... does this mean Cristiano Ronaldo is in fact ready for today’s big game?...
Northern Ireland Fans Had A Great Time Despite Getting Stomped By Germany
Above, you can see a veritable sea of Northern Ireland fans in the Parc des Princes for their country’s game against Germany earlier today. Even though their team went down a goal early and were completely dominated, the fans in green nevertheless had a great time singing along with the “Will Grigg’...
With Gábor Király's Official Sweatpants, You Too Can Dress Like A Soccer Dad
If you, like us, have found yourself enchanted by the look of Hungary keeper and sartorial rebel Gábor Király, you are in luck. Király actually has his own line of goalie gear that he offers on his online shop, where you can buy a pair of his trademark sweatpants:...
Gareth Bale Is Owning Euro 2016
There are certainly bigger and better teams in Euro 2016 than Wales, a tiny country of just over 3 million people whose national team is making its first appearance in a major tournament since the 1958 World Cup. And coming into the event, there were surely more prominent and readymade story lines a...
Swiss Player On Team's Easily Ripped Shirts: "I Hope Puma Does Not Produce Condoms"
Puma, the producer of a skintight product worn during physical activity to protect the wearer from the hazardous aspects of said activity without inhibiting performance or pleasure, was embarrassed this weekend when the shirts they made for the Swiss national team repeatedly tore in the heat of the ...
Kyrie Irving Was The Best Version Of Himself Last Night
For as nearly as basketball realizes the ideals of an individual sport—due to the outsized impact a single transcendent player can have on his team’s fortunes and the fact that opposing greats can and often do line up right across from each other to test the potency of their powers in direct opposit...