drewmagary Page 12 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Should The Giants Trade Odell Beckham?<em></em>
Odell Beckham is the only reason you should ever watch a New York Giants game, but he also happens to be in the final year of his contract and coming off a busted ankle. He wants to get paid, but it’s hard to see the Giants ponying up when MISTER MARA is out there with a clenched jaw, openly fuming ...
Should A Sports Hall Of Fame Have A Maximum Capacity?<em></em>
Before we get into the Funbag, I wanna talk about pizza, specifically this tweet I sent out while I was less than sober: ...
Holy Diapers, It’s Time For Your Name Of The Year Deadcast<em></em>
Every year we make a point of reading the Name of the Year bracket out loud, and every year the bracket succeeds in reducing me to a puddle of tears. But THIS bracket … my god man, this year’s bracket nearly killed me. I know I say every bracket is the strongest bracket ever, but holy shit. When you...
23 Things I Say To My Kids Every Goddamn Spring Break<em></em>
I am a dad at all times but Spring Break is when I am, without fail, at my MOST dad. It combines all the prime elements of flustered dadding: travel, overpriced food, renting things, lines, dealing with people behind counters, frantic searches for alcohol, and such and such. It’s not so much a vacat...
Which MLB Teams Will Be The Most Fun, And Which Will Watch The Least Porn?
Opening Day is today, which means a bunch of middle-aged sportswriters get to put on their propeller beanies and clap their hands like trained seals and cry out YAY BASEBALL! to a relatively indifferent public. But I promise not to meh my way through this somewhat half-assed preview to the season. A...
What Do We Do With Tiger Woods?<em></em>
Tiger Woods is the favorite to win next month’s Masters, both from a gambling standpoint and a sentimental one. He hasn’t won a tournament in five years. He hasn’t won a major in 10. He’s attempting to come back not merely from personal disgrace, but also from a series of crippling back injuries and...
Are Slow Jams Dead?<em></em>
Before we dive into the Funbag, a quick programming note: I’m on vacation next week. So there won’t be a Funbag next Tuesday. I’m sure you’ll be able to deal....
How Not To Write About Movies
Black Panther is the biggest hit of 2018 and stands poised to become one of the five highest grossing movies in the history of this continent. It’s a rare movie that serves as both an artistic and financial success and has absolutely destroyed any preconceived boardroom notions about a movie with a ...
And Now, A Treasury Of Your Best Weird Grandpa Stories<em></em>
Grandpas! They’re old! And cranky! And they eat lots of weird shit! Sometimes they just walk around in their tighty whities and don’t give a fuck! Yes, grandpas are truly the most precious of national resources, especially this one:...
Chairlift Becomes Possessed By Satan, Wigs The Fuck Out<em></em>
If you’ve ever been skiing, you know that falling off the chairlift is everyone’s worst nightmare. Ah, but what if I told you there’s a whole other KIND of worst chairlift nightmare, one in which the chairlift cries out FUCK THIS, shifts into Hard Reverse, and begins depositing skiers onto the bott...
The 2018 Hater’s Guide To The Field Of 68<em></em>
The tournament starts today and, in accordance with sacred Deadspin tradition, it is our solemn duty to say a bunch of ignorant, awful shit about all of the teams in this year’s field. Like Tennessee! You think I’m buying Tennessee men’s basketball doing ANYTHING worth a shit? I don’t think so. That...
Now We Get To See If Kirk Cousins Is Really Worth A Shit<em></em>
So… Kirk Cousins. It is extremely difficult—impossible, even—to evaluate Kirk Cousins solely as a quarterback when, for the past six seasons, he has plied his trade in the middle of Dan Snyder’s never-ending diarrhea rodeo. He was drafted by Mike Shanahan in the fourth round as an insurance policy f...
COME TO MINNESOTA, DREW BREES!<em></em>
NFL free agency begins next week and the biggest name available will be quarterback Kirk Cousins, who is sure to command a blessed shitload of money from one of five horny suitors (Denver, Minnesota, Cleveland, Arizona, the Jets). HOWEVER, there’s a very good possibility that Cousins won’t even be t...
Holland House At The Olympics Had A Designated Sex Room
I know that the Olympics fades from the collective consciousness the second the closing ceremonies end, if not sooner! But this week, Deadspin Olympics correspondent Hannah Keyser came onto the DEADCAST to debrief us on her time in Pyeongchang and ended up giving us an EXCLUSIVE BACKSTAGE LOOK at ho...
Fuck The Possession Arrow
Before we begin, a brief CORRECTION. Last week I defended the practice of baseball teams fucking around in spring training and inviting the likes of Russell Wilson to take a few stunt at bats. In light of Chris Berman “managing” a game for the Giants this past weekend, I have changed my mind. Spring...
The 2018 Hater’s Guide To The Oscars<em></em>
I was asleep last year when Warren Beatty, who last made a good movie before the advent of the steam engine, and Faye Dunaway botched the Best Picture announcement for Moonlight. I have very few regrets about this because I just watched it on YouTube the next day and because, if you go by the analyt...
Roger Goodell And Jerry Jones Must Fight To The Death For The Good Of America
By now you know that NFL Commissioner and comic book henchman Roger Goodell is planning to fine Jerry Jones $2 million for DISGRACING THE SHIELD, and that Jones plans on appealing this fine to Goodell personally. If this goes the way of every other NFL billionaire quarrel, both men will leak harsh w...
