miserableshitehawk Page 56 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bulls Save Kings From Themselves, Match $78 Million Restricted Free Agency Offer For Zach LaVine
The Bulls and Kings, two teams roughly as far from NBA relevance as possible, spent Friday in a brief tug-of-war over the right to pay huge sums of money for the services of Zach LaVine, a butt player with zero track record of contributing to anything even approaching functional professional basketb...
Terrible News: England Defeat Sweden To Advance To World Cup Semifinal
In a truly unfortunate turn of events, England’s World Cup run can no longer go down as anything other than a tremendous success after the terrible lads triumphed over Sweden Saturday, 2-0. We are left to take inadequate consolation from the fact that under no circumstances can both England and Russ...
Arizona Cardinals GM Steve Keim Cited For Driving Under The Influence On July 4
Arizona Cardinals general manager Steve Keim was charged with driving under the influence after a traffic stop in Arizona the night of July 4, reports KTAR News 92.3. AZ Central says Keim was nabbed by a checkpoint in Chandler, southeast of Phoenix, just after midnight on July 5, and was released f...
Top Seed Simona Halep Upset By Unseeded Hsieh Su-wei, Wimbledon's Women's Side Remains In Total Chaos
No. 1 seed Simona Halep was upset at Wimbledon Saturday by unseeded Hsieh Su-wei of Taiwan, 3-6, 6-4, 7-5, continuing the insane and chaotic run of upsets on the women’s side....
Reports: Former UCLA Star Tyler Honeycutt Found Dead After Shootout, Standoff With Police
Former UCLA star and Sacramento King Tyler Honeycutt was found dead after a shootout with police late Friday night in Los Angeles, according to multiple reports....
Excellent Baseball Man Decorates Hat With Live Bird
Yesterday Jesus Cruz of the Peoria Chiefs was strolling to the dugout after a successful start when he was met—attacked?—by a small bird. Unflustered, Cruz made the most of the moment, by capturing the little fellow and turning him into a brief but bold fashion statement:...
Report: Escalating Beef Leads To Former NFL Wideout Jabar Gaffney Being Charged With Vandalizing Former Teammate Lito Sheppard's BMW
In what appears to be an appalling case of Gator-on-Gator crime, a warrant has reportedly been issued in Jacksonville, Florida, for the arrest of Jabar Gaffney on felony criminal mischief charges after he allegedly vandalized the BMW of former teammate Lito Sheppard last month. Per the News 4 JAX I-...
Nationals Follow Players-Only Meeting With Largest Comeback Win In Team History
The post-players-only meeting era of Nationals baseball got off to a rough start Thursday evening. The Nationals sent the “violently ill” Jeremy Hellickson to the rubber against the Miami Marlins, and watched as their sallow-faced starter was pounded for seven runs in the first two innings, by the t...
Under No Circumstances Will You Ever Guess Which Utah Jazz Rookie Provoked A Tussle With Trae Young
The dreaded Grayson Allen started Thursday night’s Hawks-Jazz Summer League tilt in Salt Lake City. You will be very glad to know that he’s shooting poorly and struggling to score (two points on 1-of-10 shooting through three quarters, but a tidy eight assists to zero turnovers). You will not be sur...
Summer League Takeaway: Marvin Bagley III Lacks The Skills To Pay The Bills
The annual Summer League parade of zero-dimensional guards is supposed to be redeemed by the play of the year’s hot-shot lottery picks. This is why anyone watches the various summer leagues: for those rare and blessed moments when this or that miscellaneous journeyman guard forgets to throw up anoth...
Deadspin Up All Night: Before I Let You Go
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Croatia Narrowly Avoid Fraud List After Surprisingly Thrilling Penalty Shootout Victory
Croatia-Denmark opened with a bang. Denmark used a mighty throw from Jonas Knudsen to set up what was frankly a panicky, little-league-ish scramble in the box, leading to a charmingly fluky goal from Mathias Jorgensen, helped along by Croatian keeper Danijel Subasic. This was in the first minute of ...
Noggin Bonked By Errant First Pitch
An unfortunate fellow was bonked in the head by an errant first pitch before Sunday’s Braves-Cardinals game. This is especially delightful because first of all he works for the dreaded St. Louis Cardinals and therefore deserves this abuse, but also this same lad was famously scratched up by the vile...
LeBronWatch: LeBron's Agent Meets With Sixers, Also LeBron Chooses His Next Destination, You Do The Math
The LeBron James sweepstakes are progressing at a terrifying pace. LeBron is zipping around the globe like Carmen Sandiego, raising and dashing hopes in various cities by the hour. It’s madness!...
Seattle Mariners Celebrate Bleak, Dystopian Future With Ghastly "Turn Ahead The Clock" Night Uniforms
Saturday night the Mariners celebrated the 20th anniversary of “Turn Ahead The Clock” night in a home game against the Kansas City Royals. The original “Turn Ahead The Clock” night was most memorable for Ken Griffey Jr. wearing his hat backwards, but it was also a grim glimpse into a dismal future ...
Russia Topple Spain In Penalties, Puke Puke Puke
Fraud-ass Spain lost in penalties to rigged-ass Russia Sunday in a match that was an exercise in pure teeth-grinding frustration. Spain dominated possession but were the very worst version of their pass-happy selves, noodling around in the midfield and the attacking third but failing to play with an...
Rockets Retain Chris Paul, Get Worse
Chris Paul has reportedly agreed to a four-year maximum contract worth $160 million to stay in Houston and continue fine-tuning the absolutely hateful brand of basketball he and James Harden pioneered last season. But they will have to do it without their most accomplished and important three-and-D ...
Cursed Sentence: DeAndre Jordan Has Reached A Verbal Agreement To Sign With The Dallas Mavericks
Uh oh. DeAndre Jordan has reached “a verbal agreement” to sign with the Dallas Mavericks in free agency. That is a cursed sentence. We have entered “fool me twice” territory, here....
Paul George Farts On Potential Lakers Superteam, Returns To Oklahoma City Thunder
Paul George took exactly zero meetings and wasted no time whatsoever before agreeing to a four-year max contract worth $137 million to stay with the Oklahoma City Thunder Sunday morning. This went down in a fun way: Russell Westbrook left a family vacation in Hawaii to fly back to Oklahoma City and ...
Deadspin Up All Night: So Nice
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