I can’t even claim to really know what Newsmax is, other than it has a name that sounds like something a satire show would come up with to spoof an enclosure of right-wing baboons throwing various feces at each other and the camera and the real thing being actually far more ridiculous than any spoof could lampoon. Greg Kelly sounds like a create-a-jackwagon for said entity. Anyway, Mr. Kelly probably didn’t have any idea how deeply he stepped in it with this rant straight out of Peoria in 1957.
As you might have guessed, the greater internet and Twitterati were at the ready to disprove him so.
“The high five was invented by a gay man while playing baseball,” @asmallteapot wrote.
User @curlsmgee7 pointed out the Dodgers’ Twitter as an example.
Also let me add:
Davis Ross doing ‘penis bumps’ to celebrate
Not pictured but almost certainly making baseball at least kinda gay: Robbie Ray’s pants, Greg Maddux’s antics in the shower, the huge amount of ass-slapping, there’s a pitcher and a catcher, many men eating hot dogs in the stands, foul poles, cup checks, the amount of times a player rests his bat against his cup while adjusting his gloves, the recent obsession with brighter footwear, and so on.
But don’t worry Greg, it’s not nearly as gay as football. Which I’m sure you’re fine with.
Matthew Tkachuk shows the Canes what they’re missing as I continue to eat all the shit
Yesterday morning we outlined how the Carolina Hurricanes seem to follow the same script every time they end up with their face in the dirt come the playoffs. They get goalie’d every time, mostly due to their system making it easier for goalies to get into a rhythm while not piling up high-danger chances combined with just not having A DUDE.
In case they were wondering what A DUDE looks like:
The Panthers’ trade for Tkachuk is just the move the Canes have never made. Yes, they had to give up Jonathan Huberdeau — hardly a slouch — but they saw that Tkachuk had something that is that rare. He can carry a team to these kinds of heights. 21 points in 16 playoff games, four game-winning goals, three of them in overtime. Getting to all the areas that teams specifically plan to keep players out of in the playoffs, driving entire cities nuts. If the Canes want to know why they’re going home short of the Final again, it’s because they don’t have one of these and haven’t made much of an effort to get one.
And yes, if you’re a dedicated reader you’ll know, and are probably salivating at the fact, that I’m eating every type of shit this spring. After all, I wrote this. And now Paul Maurice is heading to the Stanley Cup Final with an eight-seed. Do I think Maurice is a moron? Absolutely, and I don’t think he has much to do with Sergei Bobrovsky actually earning his salary and Tkachuk going supernova. At the same time, he has gotten the Panthers to play red-lining hockey, not only with the forwards providing a hellacious forecheck but the defense pushing up right behind them trying to pin teams in. It’s not happening without Maurice clearly, but he’s also rolling some sevens here.
I also wrote this. And Eichel has been great this postseason, if not Tkachuk-level. He changed the series against the Stars with this pass when Ryan Suter stopped giving a shit two minutes too early. He set up the opener in Game 3, and has been doing it all spring. Maybe he was always waiting for playoff games to show all that he could be, even if he ate it as the Knights were chasing a playoff spot last year. Well, maybe he is that guy. He has been this spring at least.
Sometimes you eat the bear, and well, sometimes…
Follow Sam on Twitter @Felsgate to see how many things he gets wrong all the time. It’s a lot, really.