Michael Bradley Might As Well Retire After Zlatan Ibrahimović Ethered Him
Zlatan Ibrahimović scored what might have been the greatest goal of his life last Saturday in the L.A. Galaxy’s game…
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Liverpool Righteously Owned PSG In A Champions League Classic
The first classic match of the new Champions League season came on the first day of the competition. Liverpool-PSG had…
Wonderteen Christian Pulisic, Who Is Now A Wonderman, Scores Winner On 20th Birthday
Christian Pulisic turned 20 years old today, which means he is no longer the Wonderteen we have all known and loved,…
Mauro Icardi's Gut-Punch Volley Made Tottenham Puke All Over Themselves
Even in this new Mauricio Pochettino era of success, Spurs haven’t fully cured their Spursiness. Over the past few…
It's Now Or Never For Eden Hazard
Right now, Eden Hazard resides in perplexing plane of existence all his own. The boundaries of this plane are fuzzy and…
Matt Miazga Adds Insult To Injury By Mocking Diego Lainez's Height In USMNT Victory
The USMNT beat Mexico in an international friendly Tuesday night, 1–0, on a second-half goal from teenager Tyler Adams.…
Philadelphia Union Introduce New Mascot, A Snake With Arms And Legs, Which Are Like The Most Important Things A Snake Doesn't Have
In their ninth MLS season, the Philadelphia Union finally (finally) have a mascot. It seems like mere days ago he was a…
Some Common Goalkeeping Mistakes Aren't Actually Mistakes
It’s not really surprising that an eccentric position played by only one-tenth of a sport’s population and operating…
Cascading Series Of Fuckups Leads To Thrilling Game-Winning Goal
Here we have an example of the redemptive power of never giving up, from the Tajik Cup. After a defender for Lokomotiv…
Dumbass Plan To Play La Liga Match In The U.S. Already Looks Like A Disaster
La Liga’s money-grubbing ploy to bring a league match to the U.S. every year always sounded like just about the…
José Mourinho Is Still Talking That Good Shit
Look, I don’t know how much time he has left as the manager of Manchester United, and so I am begging you to enjoy José…
Here Is The Champions League Group Stage Draw
The group stage draw for this year’s Champions League tournament was just completed this morning, and now it is time to…
It's Time For A Better Conversation About Goalkeeping
Goalkeepers have no business existing in soccer. Maintaining an entire class of players whose job is to snuff the joy…
