Cleveland Browns Stadium needs new naming rights — here are our ideas

The Cleveland Browns are taking the Commanders’ route of naming things associated with their team. The home of the last-place team in the AFC South is now called Cleveland Browns Stadium after the team and FirstEnergy ended their naming rights agreement. The company was charged in a political corruption scandal for allegedly manipulating the passage of House Bill 6.

Last June, the Cleveland City Council called for the removal of the company’s name, citing FirstEnergy’s involvement in the scheme.

While some other corporate sponsor is likely to plaster its name on the Browns’ Stadium with a mega-advertising deal, why not go a more approachable route with it? Here’s what the Browns should be naming their stadium, because keeping it Cleveland Browns Stadium should last all of about three weeks.

First off, how badass does this name sound? Second, Cleveland isn’t known for anything more than being the home of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, something that is so distinctly Cleveland and would resonate with the entire area and fans all over the world. Here’s a slam-dunk choice.

Removing the “S” from the name in honor of the Family Guy character who had a short-lived spinoff would be incredible.

Would it be corny?

Sure.

Would it make sense?

Probably not, but it would be fun.

Cleveland rocks! Is there a celebrity more associated with the city than the former host of Whose Line Is It Anyway? and the current host of The Price is Right? He might have the money to do it. And it would be hysterical.

The city’s best-known chef sponsoring an entire stadium and having all of his good grub inside the stadium? Now that’s what I call a phenomenal fan experience. The former and toughest-to-beat Iron Chef would definitely be into it.

The paint and coatings company is based in Cleveland and would be a great realistic option and would be great for touching up the stadium. The company had a revenue of $22.2 billion last year, so yeah, it can afford the sponsorship.

Here’s another huge company based in Cleveland, which apparently is “the world’s leading diversified manufacturer of motion and control technologies and systems.” Whatever that means. Sure, but your damn name on a stadium!

If throwing money around and ruining things is Cleveland’s specialty, let me introduce them to the Twitter CEO who proves just because you’re rich, doesn’t mean you’re smart. And he’d be stupid enough to name a stadium after himself despite showing no interest in the NFL before.

Yeah, with how the team welcomed Deshaun Watson, this had to be on the list. What better way to show the NFL, and society at large, that the messaging coming from the organization after acquiring the troubled quarterback was terrible? Never a bad time to say we’re sorry.

Superman’s creator, Jerry Siegel, first penned the story featuring one of DC’s best superheroes from his Cleveland home in 1932.

And you can still visit the home (pictured) where Siegel dreamed up Clark Kent.

The sausage sandwich native to Cleveland also is a wink and a nod to the area’s large Polish population. A Polish boy is a link covered with French fries, coleslaw, and barbecue sauce. The stadium could sell hundreds of thousands a game.

Naming the stadium after the franchise’s GOAT and one of the best players in NFL history would be a great move if a big corporation doesn’t buy the rights. It might be confusing in Ohio, as the Bengals’ stadium used to be called Paul Brown Stadium. And Jim Brown is from Cleveland.

Not the guy from the pasta sauce, but Newman’s song “Burn On” is about the Cuyahoga River and the entire city of Cleveland. And the song is played in the opening of Major League, which of course is about a fake version of the Cleveland Indians.

After the company took over the naming rights from Los Angeles’ Staples Center, why not also chart territory into America’s most popular sport? It would be a really interesting selection, but more likely than some others on this list.