ESPN's Darren Rovell Is A Humorless Robot, Part 3,792

ESPN sports business reporter Darren Rovell is best known for being a sensitive penis who lacks a human brain and will believe literally anything. This morning, he once again did his part to solidify that reputation.

After it was reported that Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg had gotten food poisoning from the Citi Field Shake Shack, whimsical Phillies blog Zoo With Roy posted an obviously fake letter from Sandberg to Shake Shack. How were we supposed to know it was fake? Sentences like this seem like pretty good tells:

In the sake of full medical disclosure and so that there should be no misunderstanding, please understand that until recently my bowel movements have been regular and solid in nature. Should the need arise, I am capable of producing physical medical documentation to support this claim.

And that brings us to Darren Rovell:

Here is a scene that very likely played out this morning: Darren Rovell reached out to someone within the Phillies organization and said something along the lines of, "Hey, was this letter, posted on a website called ZooWithRoy.com and featuring a detailed description of Ryne Sandberg's bowel movements, actually written by Ryne Sandberg?" I'd really like to know what kind of response he got.